How to Host a Party from the Floor

I’ve been entertaining lately.  February is the month containing the two parties my boyfriend and I throw together.  The Superbowl and The Oscars.  I’ve been scrambling to see as many Oscar films as I can between now and the award ceremony.  So the other night I enticed one of my friends over to watch a marathon of movies by offering to cook dinner for her.

Menu:  Apricot Chili Pork Chops with Lemon and Spinach Pasta with Herb Dinner Rolls

If you’re going to force your friends to sit through six hours of cinema, I recommend basting the rolls with garlic butter and sprinkling parmesan and herbs over the top right as they walk through the door.  They’ll have to stay to taste them, and then they won’t be able to move after they’ve devoured about four.  Placing the wine bottle on the ottoman also does the trick.

By far the best taste of the evening was the pasta, extremely light and fresh, while still forcing your eyes to roll back in your head.  To make it, you just cook some angelhair pasta as normal, and in a large pan saute garlic, baby spinach, lemon juice and salt/pepper until the spinach is wilted.  Add the pasta and toss!  So delicious!

So far of the nominated best pictures I’ve seen:  Inception, Black Swan, The Social Network, Toy Story 3, The Kid’s Are All Right, and Winter’s Bone.  I still need to see:  True Grit, The Fighter, 127 Hours, and The Kings Speech.

Back to the party.  All was going exceptionally well.  We had viewed The Kids are All Right and spiked up a nice conversation on surrogacy.  To further entice my friend to stay, I rented the second season of The United States of Tara to watch a few episodes.  She can’t tell me no when I’ve brought her schizophrenic Toni Collette and comedy by Diablo Cody!

Somewhere in the middle of the fourth episode it hit me, like an all too real flashback “Live from the Wizard of Oz, it’s Dorothy trapped in a tornado!”  I instantly got the spins.  I fess up to my own body.  I know I didn’t eat much earlier today, I still wasn’t feeling very good.  But dinner was amazing, and a little wine is supposed to be good for you! Mixing in my stomach was the storm of Poseidon!  I guess red wine and cold medicine are not meant to mix.  Suddenly, I became that absurd host who kept excusing herself from the room hoping no one would notice her 5’2″ frame swaying around like Kramer on Seinfeld.  After my poor, but understanding, friend had paused the episode too many times to count, I guiltily said “I don’t feel good” and left the room again.  She finished the episode at my pleading from the bathroom afar, and like the wonderful friend she is, let herself out.  Dear Lord, how embarrassing!  I spent the next half hour lying on the bathroom floor moaning and cursing.  At least we have heated tiles.  *shakes head in shame*

12 responses

  1. Oh, jeez, that’s the worst. I hope you’re feeling a bit better today. Throw that cold medicine out. Poison, I say. 🙂

    I never really understood the purpose of all those over-the-counter medicines. You have a virus like a cold and your body says, “We must get rid of the enemy. Unplug the dam.” Your nose starts to run; your body is doing what it’s supposed to. All that excess mucous keeps the invaders from getting to your lungs and doing worse damage. In about three days, you’re going to be fine. But nooooooooooooo, noooooooooooooooooo, we’ve got to mess with nature. So, we go buy that nasty cold medicine that does what? DRIES YOU UP. It’s friendly fire on our mucousy soldiers. Nooooooo, baaaaaaaddddd, toss in garbage.

    Cold medicine does not cure a cold. It masks the symptoms. I am now putting away my soap box. [scrape, scrape]. Feel better. 🙂

    1. Feeling better, just embarrassed.

  2. Yikes. What a shame…and your pasta dish sounds wonderful. I’ll have to make that myself sometime. Actually, anytime you talk about food, it sounds great.

    Good luck with the last 4 movies. I’ve seen them all, and each one is pretty awesome!

    1. The food was amazing! I was in blissful eating heaven until…I wasn’t.

  3. You have my sincere sympathy. I’m glad that you survived! I hope you are feeling better now. Blessings to you, Jess…

    1. I survived. I’m ok. Embarrassed, but up and running.

  4. Oooch! The side effect of the Oscar party…… I consider that alcohol and medicine should not be mixed, like the apple and coffee. You feel good now?
    And I have find that I watched only 2 movies in that list – Inception and Toy Story 3. What a shame…. ;'(

    1. You should check out Winter’s Bone for sure! That’s my favorite of the films so far. Movie marathons, when not spent in the bathroom, are the best.

  5. Poor baby! I hope you feel better. I think your friend is more worried about your toilet worship episode than missing what you’re watching.

  6. Wow, I’m impressed that you’re watching all of those movies. I bought Walk The Line on DVD several years ago and it’s still wrapped in plastic 😦

    I’m sorry you were sick at your own party. I can imagine the embarrassment, but I’m sure your friend understands. Hang in there!

  7. […] Witkins’s How to Host a Party from the Floor.  How Jess Witkins tried to host a perfect party which tragically turned out badly–she had […]

  8. I’M FAMOUS! *performing a happy dance as I type* I was mentioned on the beautiful, wonderful, intelligent, Jessi’s blog!

    Everyone has their moments of despair. I have had plenty, and it’s safe to be sick around me. At least you didn’t get yourself into this mess by say, drinking too much like I usually do!

    P.S. You don’t have to lure me in with dinner next time if you don’t want to! I enjoy movies and your company with or without amazing food. 🙂

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