It’s evident I’m the youngest, isn’t it? A bit self-absorbed, over-imaginative, still wants presents from her parents. But I’m also a bit of an oops baby, a party crasher if you will. There my parents were, living out the American Dream, happily running their own restaurant, raising three children, forming friendships that would last them a lifetime. And then yours truly showed up, rolling to the party during a Friday Night Fish Fry. Of course my parents will tell you I was a surprise, and for my siblings who range 7-13 years older, I was a live doll to torture play with. Here’s the thing, they started out by including me, they let me play games, use their toys, eat candy, and entertain them with talented impressions of Steve Urkel from Family Matters.
This is Steve Urkel.
But then, we started playing new kinds of games, games called “Experiments.” We learned what would happen when your teenage sister asks you to close your eyes and hold out your hand. A cascade of clacking noises follow and little hard lumps topple into your hand. It could be candy, you think with anticipation. It’s not. It’s your teenage sister’s collection of baby teeth. That’s right, she dumped her teeth in your hand. “Why do you have these?” you scream, your face contorted in horror. There is no reply, she is laughing too hard.
Gross, but harmless fun, right? Well, that was before my brother got a microscope for christmas. This time when you’re asked to help “experiment” they tell you to hold up your index finger. They proceed to wrap a rubber band around and around and around the tip of your finger. They wait while your finger changes from its healthy, fleshy pink coloring to a purple blue bulging nub. Then, they do the inevitable, they tell you to close your eyes again. You should run, you should know this means trouble, you should call for help, but they’re so much cooler than you are, they can ride bikes and pick out their own clothes, and most important of all, they’re family, they wouldn’t hurt you. “Owwwwww!” Turns out they can hurt you. In fact, your siblings stabbed you. They wanted to know what blood looked like under the microscope.
Early 90's version of a torture device, cleverly named science tool.
This is why I played alone. And why my favorite game was called Orphan. And it’s another example of why I’m convinced I have multiple lives. But the truth is, I love my siblings. I love them for helping make me a stubborn, and overly imaginative child. If I’d have had a harmonious childhood, I’d have had nothing to write about. And really, what’s a little blood in the name of sibling?
How about you readers? Were you the mad scientist in the household, or the Frankenstein freak being tested on? I’m thinking about starting a club someday, TITHAFYS, Teeth in the Hand Alliance For Youngest Siblings, I’ll be needing a strong leadership team, put your nominations in for VP, treasurer, and secretary. Happy writing!
Jess Witkins' Happiness Project 
LOL! Wow, your siblings were pretty cold, geez. I’m actually the oldest in my family. My brother is only 3 years younger than me though, so the age gap wasn’t huge. And while I certainly did antagonize him occasionally, I was always more the goody-too-shoes type who spent most of my time trying to convince my brother NOT to do something stupid or reckless. And we actually got along pretty well until I hit high school. I’ve always been the more independent type, I don’t need (or most of the time even want) other people around to help keep me entertained or occupied. I like sitting in a room by myself reading or writing or whatever. My brother has always been the exact opposite, he desperately NEEDS people to do things with – play games, throw a ball, etc. And when I hit high school I really just wanted to be left alone, and my brother pretty much felt abandoned for awhile. And my mother’s long work-hours didn’t help, because it was pretty much up to me alone to keep him company. So, to compensate, HE turned into the bully who constantly played tricks, antagonized, and flat-out beat me up. (It didn’t help that he very quickly became much taller and stronger than me.) Now we’re both in our 20s and he’s STILL beating up on me. *sigh*
Well now that I’m in my 20’s they’re all wonderful to me. Maybe it was all a right of passage or something, but I’m pretty confident they love me. lol.
I am an older brother, so I was usually the one doling out the torture in my household. 🙂
That explains A LOT! lol.
I’m the oldest of three. Though close in age, we functioned more like three, only children. Go figure. I lived in my head, and books and music kept me entertained. My brother occasionally teased my younger sister. Every once in a while he would try to get a rise out of me, but I was very good at tuning out all outside distractions to focus completely on my Nancy Drew books.
Oh my god, I loved Nancy Drew! I read tons of her books, the Hardy Boys, Trixie Belden, the Happy Hollisters, and the slightly newer mystery series the Boxcar Children.
Haha, I loved this post. I can relate, even though I’m the oldest. My younger sister by five years and I were known for throwing horse manure at each other in the field while screaming at the top of our lungs. My Mom would be in the background yelling “Not the fresh stuff!!” while people tried to ride their horses in the outdoor arena… Good times, good times.
I’d like to know how your YOUNGER sister felt about this pastime in the pasture before I make a final judgment. 😉
I was the oldest, but my little sister was a horror and I started out a very meek child. So I mostly played by myself. Lol. She didn’t experiment so much as… practice random acts of violence. XD We’re actually friends now. Tentatively. >_>
I’m friends with my siblings now too. Tentatively. You can never be too sure of someone who has stabbed you. *shifty eyes*
I love Steve Urkel! It’s a shame Jaleel White hasn’t had many gigs since Family Matters ended!
Your siblings were mean, Jess! I’m the older of two…my brother and I were three years apart and grew up playing together. We got along most of the time…there was that time he pushed me backwards into the bathtub after I put icing on his nose…
My oldest and middle daughters are eight years apart (oops!) and the youngest came along four years later (oops again!). The oldest and the youngest tended to unite against the middle child when they were younger. The oldest one is a mother herself now, and has her own house. The two younger ones fight constantly!
Wendy
Yah, I’ll second that scenario. I allied most of the time with my oldest brother. It was the middle two who picked on me the most. lol.
Weren’t you a founding member of a certain sibling club that was united against a specific older brother?
I was never a part of the I Hate Jamie Club, wasn’t old enough. He was my only ally for a few years cause I had this mean sister always spilling her teeth in my hand, couldn’t trust her!
I’m the middle child of five, but there was a huge gap between my two older brothers and me. So in many ways, I was the oldest. Nobody ever dumped teeth into anyone’s hand, though. I would remember that. Isn’t there some other club we can start?
I’m open to other club names, but then consider yourself elected my VP. 😀
[…] the title Perseverance Expert. She grew up in a small Wisconsin town as the much younger youngest sibling of four, she’s witnessed the paranormal, jumped out of a plane, worked in retail, traveled to exotic […]
[…] the title Perseverance Expert. She grew up in a small Wisconsin town as the much younger youngest sibling of four, she’s witnessed the paranormal, jumped out of a plane, worked in retail, traveled to exotic […]
[…] Does that happen to you? I’m going to assume that all of you are human, or at least a hybrid of, and that each of you has grown up with a family. I love my family! They are wonderful, animated, and sometimes vulgar people! I am thankful everyday that they are in my life. They’re the ones who taught me to ride a bike, quote movie lines non-stop, sing entire musical numbers from Yankee Doodle Dandy, and what blood looks like under a microscope! […]