Happy 4th of July, Everyone! It’s official: I will never bake again. For those of you getting to know me, you’re well aware of my affinity towards salty food, predominately jalapeno cheetos and entire cartons of shredded parmesan. I am a total salt fiend in my taste buds! But on rare occasions when I flip through cook books and cooking magazines I get this domestic tug at my sweet tooth and decide to bake something.
They make it look so easy. It’s really not fair.
Bake 4-5 minutes until chips are melted.
*Sigh* I don’t know what happened.
1/4 cup butter, softened
2/3 cup sugar
1 egg white
1 Tbsp. minced fresh gingerroot
1-1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp. baking soda
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup milk chocolate chips
1 pkg. (8 oz) reduced-fat cream cheese
3 Tbsp. confectioner’s sugar
2 Tbsp. 2% milk
4 cups halved strawberries
1/4 cup seedless strawberry jam
1 Tbsp. crystallized ginger, finely chopped
In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in egg white and ginger. Combine the flour, baking soda, and salt; gradually add to creamed mixture and mix well. Press onto the bottom and up the sides of a greased 9-in. tart pan.
Bake at 350° for 12-15 minutes or until edges are lightly browned. Sprinkle with chips. Bake 4-5 minutes longer or until chocolate is melted; spread over crust. Cool on a wire rack.
In a small bowl, beat the cream cheese, confectioner’s sugar and milk until smooth; spread over chocolate. Top with strawberries. In a small microwave safe bowl, microwave jam in 10 second intervals until melted; brush over strawberries. Sprinkle with ginger. Refrigerate at least 2 hours before serving.
The Catastrophe in the Kitchen:
The tart crust went fine. Sure it was messy, but I got that done. I baked it for it’s nice 12 minutes, and I sprinkled the chocolate chips on top and waited for 5 additional minutes for them to melt. THEY NEVER MELTED! 12 minutes later! I now was having a raging fit in the kitchen, “This is why I don’t bake! How am I going to salvage this? The crust is hard as a rock now, and these f***ing chips still aren’t melted! Why do I try? I don’t even like sweets! I’m going to stab this tart!”
Here is where some breathing exercises would have helped, however, I was out of cream cheese. “Oh my god, I don’t know if it’s worth a trip to the store to finish this awful project or not! The chocolate looks like poop cause I can’t get it to spread evenly. I’m so irritated right now! Fine, if I’m going to the store, I’m going grocery shopping, I’m not making a special trip for this stupid tart!”
An hour later, I put the groceries away, I made the cream cheese spread, I cut the strawberries, I nuked the jam in 10 second intervals and drizzled it over the berries.
I am never baking again. Enjoy these photos now, people, holiday or no holiday I’m through! It makes me way too angry!
At least it looked pretty. The next morning we got the tart out of the fridge for breakfast. Using a butcher knife, my poor Joe had to use all his arm muscle to cut through the over-baked crust! It honestly did taste good, and if jaw pain is normal after such desserts, then I guess I did a splendid job!
If any of you are considering being a guest at Che’ Witkins’ B & B, I highly recommend the gin smoothies with your tart. Made the previous evening’s anxieties all the more delicious!