I Love You Search Engine Optimization: A Guilty Pleasure Tall Tale

You know, I had completely forgotten about how much fun it is to look through the collection of search engine terms that people use to locate your blog.  I mean, here I’d gone the whole holiday season and NOT ONCE had I clicked on my stats page to look at popular search terms.  This was quickly remedied after reading the hilarious Leanne Shirtliffe, better known as Ironic Mom, when she did an entire post of one such search engine that linked to her page:  100 Things To Do With a Dead Chicken.

SQUEAK! BAWK! (source: google images)

As I perused the latest quarter’s search engines, it became clear who I was as a person:

sound of music cast today

Maria with Captain Von Trapp (source: google images)

Alright, you caught me, whoever you are.  I was in fact Julie Andrew’s stunt double in the Sound of Music.  You wouldn’t think of it to look at her, but she’s really an atrocious dancer.  Gave a whole new meaning to “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” 

The users of SEO also gave me a compiled list of things I’m good at:

I see dead people.

Mrs. Peacock costumes

Mrs. Peacock (source: Me on Halloween 2010)

pee wee rolls eyes at alamo

movie about the play about sardines

master of karate and friendship for everyone

"Dayman" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (source: google images)

i spoke to my soulmate after he died on the ouija board

hot sully from Dr. Quinn pictures

Hot Sully from Dr. Quinn picture - You're Welcome, Reader! (source: my dreams)

Many of you know that I recently changed my blog’s logline.  I thought that “Where Jane Austen and the Walking Dead Collide” was a good one, but clearly, readers, you would prefer something more like one of these:

Inside the Sideshow Tent

Teenage Vampire

Inside of Pilgrim Houses

Not Eating to Protest My Mother

Taboo Witkins

Those are all priceless and valuable options, so I thank you, readers and fellow bloggers, for enlightening me.  I’ll keep the one I have for now, but I may come back to these in a month or two.

Some of you really ought to read through my archives though because I don’t have a clue what you guys were thinking.  Maybe you just really want me to be more involved with crafts.  I’ll try to do that in 2012 because somehow, unbeknownst to me, these phrases will link you to my blog:

Iranian sewing hand book

Decorating my whole house with crows

Cross stitch poodle

This sure was lots of fun.  I learned a lot of valuable things about myself.  For instance, I should probably contact the people of IMDB (Internet Movie Database) and request a page for being Julie Andrew’s stunt double.  Fair is fair, right?  And I should really invest in a sewing kit, an Iranian one to be exact.  Got to go, Peeps, I’ve got some poodles to cross stitch and crows to hang! 

Got any other suggestions for Jess’ Happiness Project?  Just SEO my way!  What’s the most bizarre thing that’s linked someone to your blog?

21 responses

  1. This was great! My favorite SEO this week was “playboy bunny vampire” – not sure how it picked up my blog, but I’ll take it. 🙂

    1. Oooh that is a good one! Definitely a Fabooolous search term. LOL

  2. I’m all about head lice. Number one hit of all time. It’s bizarre. I think you must google “Does my Kid Have Head Lice?” and my blog must pop up or something. I’ve vnever tried it.

    1. Well it makes sense then, plus your blog is a big teacher/teaching blog. At least your name will be synonymous with clean hair!

  3. Those are hilarious! I’ll never figure out how the terms relate to our sites. I have had some doozies. Here are some of today’s search terms: video sexy woman 2012; prison cell in blender; so many cats so few recipes; david marcia climbing; and sexy men with hard on.

    There are more but the rest make some kind of sense. I wonder if this means we’re doing something wrong with our titles or content? 🙂

    1. I think it means you’re doing something exactly right. LOL

  4. Most of mine seemed to bear some relationship to something I’d said, but I do wonder why a search for “league of women voters israel” directed anyone to my site.

    1. hmm, I’ll need to remedy that for you and do a little Leanne covert Search Bombing Shirtliffe style. hahaha

  5. Wow! Really? I haven’t checked mine. I wonder what in the world mine might say. As long as it isn’t like the last one that Marcia mentioned, I’ll call it a victory! 😉
    Running to check right now…


    1. LOL. Well, you better go check that and report back.

  6. I love this. My fave: “i spoke to my soulmate after he died on the ouija board” which is the best example of a misplaced modifier I’ve seen in a long time! Can you just imagine someone dying *on* a Ouija board?

    Thanks for the shout, Jess!

    1. I loved your post, Leanne. I shared the 100 things list with my sis and we both were cracking up! You should know I picked up a Justin Bieber fragrance sample for my sister this Christmas. She’s a teacher, too, and her exclamation was “I’m going to be the envy of all the 4th grade girls!” Hahaha

  7. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes | Reply

    Ha! These are the best! I love the hot Sully reference. What a blast from the past, and also, not that hot in retrospect.

    1. You take that back Sara Grambusch! Sully is still fiiiiiine!

  8. “Sweet sexy foot licking” popped up yesterday. Ooh la la. I had no idea my blog attracted such fetishists, but I’m an equal opportunity guy and all are welcome, so I won’t complain too much! Besides, who hasn’t fantasized about a juicy set of toes in their mouth?

    What? Why are you looking at me that way…?!

    1. Oh, I just vomited a little all over your comment. Thanks for that astounding lesson in “digit”al visualization. Hahaha, your imagery was so gross you made me pun! That’s actually quite a “feat”, sir. Stop me right now!

      1. Knock it off, Witkins. Right this second.

  9. These posts are always good for a laugh. Who knew that the google searches would lead to your site from those crazy typed in requests? 🙂

    1. I’m kind of flattered actually. LOL

  10. Some time ago, I did a post about the search engine terms on my Stats Page that had seemingly nothing to do with my blog: ”my baby is constipated what can I do”

    After reading your post today, I took a look at the terms for the past two days. Today, there’s “lyrics to wizard of oz cut cut cut snip snip snip.” I somehow ended up on the first page of search results for that one. And it was due to the cut, cut, cut, snip, snip, snip way that it searched my post for those terms.

    Yesterday, there was “wall hanging ideas out of waste material.” I’m not sure about that one yet.

    Definitely entertaining.

    1. Hahaha, awesome search engine terms, Madge! Maybe you and I should have a craft day. You bring the waste material, I’ll bring my Iranian sewing hand book.

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