Hello Ladies and Gents! I’ve got some mood boosting tips to share with you courtesy our Life List Club guest today, Lara Schiffbauer! Get your happy on by reading her post and then, if you miss me, blog hop on over to my fellow founder’s place, Marcia Richards, where you’ll find me telling you why sleep is a good thing! Zzzzzzzz *Oops, nodded off there for a minute! Back to Lara!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one.
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
“You know, dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I’ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby.” She turns to her husband and says, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.”
He studies hard for a moment, thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, “Well, there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight.”
I don’t think she got what she was wanting, do you?
The problem? She is looking for affirmation outside of herself.
“Self-confidence gives you the freedom to make mistakes and cope with failure without feeling that your world has come to an end or that you are a worthless person.” -Anonymous
How many times do we set goals and then, when we attain them, we aren’t satisfied?
Or, the satisfaction is short lived, and we begin to doubt ourselves again once the heady rush of success passes.
Or, we receive a compliment that, in the moment, seems to be the justification we need to feel confident about the path we are treading, only to return to insecurity within moments, hours, days, etc… of being given the compliment.
It seems crazy, and maybe we feel a little crazy when we are blown about by our emotions like this. I sure do!
Self-confidence must be grown, most usually by experiencing success in the areas that you wish to have achievement.
Positivity, the quality of being encouraging or promising of a successful outcome, is a personality trait that can be developed.
We can change how we think, and thereby change how we feel. Instead of waiting for others to encourage us, we can encourage ourselves, if we follow the simple steps below.
- Recognize when we have unhelpful thoughts. The words ‘what if’, ‘why me’, ‘if only’, ‘I should have’, or any time we look for other people to give us value or worth are indications that we are not being positive.
- Stop! Interrupt the negative little voice in the middle of your mind. You may have heard about people snapping their wrists with a rubberband to break a habit. The idea is the same, but you don’t have to hurt yourself. When you hear the negativity start, all you have to do is firmly say to yourself “STOP.”
- Replace the thought with a positive one. Talk kindly to yourself.
Let’s use the opening joke as an example.
The woman was criticizing herself. When she first thought “Look at me, I’m an old woman,” she would recognize that perception of herself as unhelpful. She would have told herself “Stop. I am no longer a youngster, but I still can walk, I am good at hang-gliding, and I have a lot of fun when I play in the park with my grandkids.”
She wouldn’t lie to herself. That’s not helpful, and neither is dwelling on what she cannot control. But instead of dwelling on what she is not, she would focus on what she is.
And that’s the key to positivity.
We don’t ask others to support us, with platitudes or compliments.
By focusing on who we are and/or what we do well, we encourage ourselves through the process of goal achievement.
Once we’ve attained our goals, we increase our self-confidence, and the positivity loop continues on and on and on!
Lara Schiffbauer writes contemporary fantasy and general fiction, and has been lucky enough to see some of her short stories published. By day she works as a school social worker in an elementary school and at night juggles writing, playing with her two adorable little boys, and doing everything else that has to get done in a day. You can find her on Twitter at @LASbauer or blogging at Motivation for Creation.