Sweet Jesus, What Did We Just Watch?!

I wanna rock!!!

I wanna rock!!!

Welcome to my 80’s party dudes and dudettes!  I know we’ve all been anxiously catching Oscar flicks and madly discussing who the big winners will be come awards day, but all that cinematic mumbo-jumbo needed a rest!

It was time for something fearless!

Something with some flair!

Something along the lines of a…

Guilty Pleasure, Baby!

Oooh yah, yours truly had an impromptu 80’s party at her place last night and the film to be seen was none other than the Hollywood montage Rock legend mash up hysteria that is:

Rock of Ages

Sweet baby Jesus, have you guys seen this film?!

I can’t decide whether this homage to Rock Gods and their classic jams is brilliantly epic or a tragic wasteland of sticky floors caused by the tears of naive women who wear denim corsets to rock concerts.

While the film is studded, often literally – note* even the microphones! – with several stars:  Alec Baldwin, Julianne Hough, Tom Cruise, Paul Giamatti, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Bryan Cranston, Russell Brand, Malin Ackerman, Mary J. Blige, one really gets the impression that shooting this film was a marriage between awkward escapist journalism done out of the back of your mother’s minivan with Saturday Night Live practice sketches gone horribly awry.

There’s a sick, twisted underbelly to the characters in this movie that makes me think they all enjoyed making this film.  And for that reason, it’s really hard to say I didn’t like it.  It may have won me over.

Could you say no to this?!

Yah.  Pretty amazing, right?  It’s like curled bangs and colored glasses amazing!


The fact that this movie is sooo over the top makes me forgive its complete and utter cheese factor and just enjoy the ride.  Tom Cruise is a greased up, tattoed Rock God who embodies every cliche’ known to rock musicians.  He has the girls, the band who’s not as cool as he is, the fans who will love him no matter what, the creeper manager, a broken heart, and best of all, a baboon who responds to the name “Hey Man.”

For reals.

Julianne Hough plays Sherri, a girl who dreams of becoming a singer.  Oddly enough, she doesn’t achieve this, her boyfriend does, only she’s the one who helps him get there…  But I suppose if this movie were a rock concert, her stolen dreams are nothing a shot glass and some sweaty leather won’t fix!  Tubular!

Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand come in to play as the owner/staff of The Bourbon Room, a once star making venue but soon to be shut down and sold if they can’t make some money soon.  Dang, that’s like grody to the max, man!

Each character faces their own antagonist, be it a slimy, double-crossing manager with no business on top but too much party in the back (Paul Giamatti), a Fairy Godmother/Female Hustler who dresses like a genie and has more ‘do changes than Sean Combs’ had names, you know P. Diddy, I mean Puff Daddy (Mary J. Blige).  Or it could be the vengeful ex-girlfriend on a mission for all conservatives out there, and that is to shut down your bar (Catherine Zeta-Jones).

But I dare you to watch this film and NOT sing along! 

I don’t think it can be done.

So for that reason, even though I fully admit it’s a bit of a dud.  You may even ask, Where’s the beef?  But this 80’s rock musical is totally rad.  And take a chill pill anyway, we’re not talking Oscar noms here!

What’s a totally terrible movie you love?  Go ahead, indulge!  I won’t judge you.

Wait…you like what?!  Gag me with a spoon!

15 responses

  1. Pitch Perfect! I love love love that movie – and I guess it’s not too bad – It scored 80% on Rotten Tomatoes!

    1. That’s on my list to see too! I also watched Joyful Noise – that’s right – the one with Queen Latifah and Dolly Parton! Weeeeee!

      1. Jess – you will L-O-V-E it!! You must let me know what you think after you watch it! Seriously, it is the best movie I’ve seen in a long time 🙂

      2. I’m with Dawn. I loved Pitch Perfect, another movie I danced in my seat to at the cinema.

        1. Oh yes, I’ve since seen Pitch Perfect and Dawn and I are probably leading the fan club for this movie on Twitter now! Please join in!

  2. Jess, I have to say, this could be your most awesome post EVAH! I’m surprised I haven’t seen this movie but seriously intend to remedy that. Cheesy musicals are fun indulgences, especially when they’re loaded with stars! Your writing just gets better and better! You nailed this!

    1. *blushing* Thank you, Marcia! Such a lovely compliment, totally made my day! Like totally!

  3. Hmm…maybe the similarly-themed “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story.” I was quite fond of that, but I don’t think it won many critics over. Whatever! John C. Reilly was da bomb, man!

    1. I do like John C. Reilly, but Dewey Cox… *shrug* Eh!

  4. Thanks for the inspiration for viewing pleasure. And you look so darn cute! I’m not ready to go back into 80s mode, but maybe soon.You make it look more exciting than I remember.

    1. Cmon Hally! 80s fashion is kind of fun! LOL

  5. I TOTALLY want to see this, but I haven’t yet. I’m not expecting much, but hoping for a lot of FUN! And I promise to sing along… 🙂

    1. Good. As long as you don’t expect much, it’ll be the best movie you’ve ever seen.

  6. I haven’t seen this, but I had no idea Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand were in it! Probably going to have to watch it now.

    Have you seen Rock Star? That’s Mark Whalberg in a similar role to the Cruise. It’s pretty funny. Being in a rock band myself I occasionally run across people that are “living the dream.” I try to be polite because everyone’s got a different path in life, but truthfully I sometimes snicker a little on the inside =)

    1. Oh, this one is terrible! But it’s pure mindless fun. The music is fun and they just did everything so over the top you have to just nod and go along with the ride. LOL

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