It’s March Madness with the Redhots today as Marcia Richards and I dish on What Makes a Woman Sassy?
Ever wanted to have the perfect comeback? Ever wanted to one up someone with a good line? Ever left a situation, thinking minutes later, and had the exact witty thing to say in retort?
You are not alone.
We asked some of our favorite Redhot Women to tell us their best comeback stories, and here’s what they had to share!
To give this story a frame of reference, I’ll first say that everyone has a personality flaw. Mine is taking joy in making others feel stupid. With that in mind . . .The guy trying to sell us a “free” security system said, “It’s only one dollar a day.”I said, “So it’s $365 a year.”Puzzled, he said, “Well, no. It’s only a dollar a day.”To which I replied, “Right. And there’s 365 days in the year–except on leap years–so it’s $365 a year. That’s not exactly free, you know.”He left after that.
Something my mom always advised me to say to people who ask uncomfortable or pushy questions: “That’s a really personal question.” It’s not much of a comeback but it does state the obvious and usually puts the other person back in the shame pit where that question should have stayed.
When I was a Special Police Constable, I was ‘walking the beat’ around town and a van of builders drove past. They bibbed their horn and shouted terms of endearment from the windows, to which I turned and blew them all a kiss. My Sergeant laughed because he said I was ‘endorsing public relations’.
And thus these women are my idols! I’m totally going to steal Nina’s phrase of “shame pit.” That needs to get inducted to mainstream society slang.
What makes me feel like a sassy woman?
The truth of the matter is lack of sleep.
I am a very light sleeper. A very light sleeper. If the smoke alarm beeps once, I will hear it. If my honey is snoring, I will
smother him with a pillow politely dig my elbow into his spine until he wakes! 😀
One night, while in college, I awoke to a stranger kicking the door and calling out for our neighbors across the hall to open up. This went on for awhile. Full on sole of foot slamming into the door! I tried to wake my boyfriend and make him deal with the guy, but Joe is undoubtedly the fairy lovechild of Sleeping Beauty and Rip Van Winkle and nothing short of a hurricane cascading an Eric Clapton cover band with a pack of wild dogs whistling Dixie was going to wake him up. It’s quite revolting actually.
It was clear that I must take matters into my own hands.
Now, because I am a light sleeper, when I am woken from a good sleep for unnecessary causes, I turn into the Incredible Redheaded
So I got out of bed and whipped open our apartment door, where the guy tipped over drunk, back first into our hallway (because he had been sitting on the ground bracing his back against our door and stomping his foot against the neighbor’s door across the hallway).
“This sh!t is going to stop.”
I know for a fact that’s what I started with. Any and all expletives stated after that are a blur of sleep deprivation and rage. I know I shouted to him something about what a moron he was for repeatedly kicking the door and not hearing the dog bark, which clearly indicated the neighbor’s weren’t home. And then there was a threat made about calling the police and if I heard so much as one more toe tap on the door I’d filet his foot into a new doormat on which I’d stomp my own feet every day.
I think he whimpered.
I shut the door and went back to bed. I didn’t hear a peep after that.
*Victory is MINE!*
The next day when I returned from class, I saw my roommate’s door open and asked, “Did you NOT hear that guy kicking the door last night?!”
My roommate cracked up laughing, “I heard you rip that guy a new one! I was like, “Ha ha! My 90 pound roommate showed your ass!”
What can I say? Lack of sleep makes me sassy.
What turns you into a Sassy Redhot Woman? What was your best comeback? Even if you can’t think of one on the spot, tell us what your comeback would be! Go ahead, get it off your chest! Riotous women are standing by to help you.
And tune in for more Redhot boldness with the Fabulous Madam Marcia and her guests -Jenny Hansen, Barbara McDowell, Piper Bayard, and Helen Atkinson!