The Redhots: Taking Sassy to a New Level

It’s March Madness with the Redhots today as Marcia Richards and I dish on What Makes a Woman Sassy?

(image courtesy flickr Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)

Ever wanted to have the perfect comeback?  Ever wanted to one up someone with a good line?  Ever left a situation, thinking minutes later, and had the exact witty thing to say in retort?

You are not alone.

We asked some of our favorite Redhot Women to tell us their best comeback stories, and here’s what they had to share!

Catie Rhodes

To give this story a frame of reference, I’ll first say that everyone has a personality flaw. Mine is taking joy in making others feel stupid. With that in mind . . .
The guy trying to sell us a “free” security system said, “It’s only one dollar a day.”
I said, “So it’s $365 a year.”
Puzzled, he said, “Well, no. It’s only a dollar a day.”
To which I replied, “Right. And there’s 365 days in the year–except on leap years–so it’s $365 a year. That’s not exactly free, you know.”
He left after that.

Nina Badzin

Something my mom always advised me to say to people who ask uncomfortable or pushy questions: “That’s a really personal question.” It’s not much of a comeback but it does state the obvious and usually puts the other person back in the shame pit where that question should have stayed.

Donna Newton

When I was a Special Police Constable, I was ‘walking the beat’ around town and a van of builders drove past. They bibbed their horn and shouted terms of endearment from the windows, to which I turned and blew them all a kiss. My Sergeant laughed because he said I was ‘endorsing public relations’.

*****

And thus these women are my idols!  I’m totally going to steal Nina’s phrase of “shame pit.”  That needs to get inducted to mainstream society slang.

What makes me feel like a sassy woman?

The truth of the matter is lack of sleep.

I’ll explain.

I am a very light sleeper.  A very light sleeper.  If the smoke alarm beeps once, I will hear it.  If my honey is snoring, I will smother him with a pillow politely dig my elbow into his spine until he wakes!  😀 

One night, while in college, I awoke to a stranger kicking the door and calling out for our neighbors across the hall to open up.  This went on for awhile.  Full on sole of foot slamming into the door!  I tried to wake my boyfriend and make him deal with the guy, but Joe is undoubtedly the fairy lovechild of Sleeping Beauty and Rip Van Winkle and nothing short of a hurricane cascading an Eric Clapton cover band with a pack of wild dogs whistling Dixie was going to wake him up.  It’s quite revolting actually.

It was clear that I must take matters into my own hands.

Now, because I am a light sleeper, when I am woken from a good sleep for unnecessary causes, I turn into the Incredible Redheaded Bitch Hulk.

So I got out of bed and whipped open our apartment door, where the guy tipped over drunk, back first into our hallway (because he had been sitting on the ground bracing his back against our door and stomping his foot against the neighbor’s door across the hallway). 

This sh!t is going to stop.”

I know for a fact that’s what I started with.  Any and all expletives stated after that are a blur of sleep deprivation and rage.  I know I shouted to him something about what a moron he was for repeatedly kicking the door and not hearing the dog bark, which clearly indicated the neighbor’s weren’t home.  And then there was a threat made about calling the police and if I heard so much as one more toe tap on the door I’d filet his foot into a new doormat on which I’d stomp my own feet every day.

I think he whimpered.

I shut the door and went back to bed.  I didn’t hear a peep after that.

*Victory is MINE!*

The next day when I returned from class, I saw my roommate’s door open and asked, “Did you NOT hear that guy kicking the door last night?!”

My roommate cracked up laughing, “I heard you rip that guy a new one!  I was like, “Ha ha!  My 90 pound roommate showed your ass!”

Your welcome.

What can I say?  Lack of sleep makes me sassy. 

*****

What turns you into a Sassy Redhot Woman?  What was your best comeback?  Even if you can’t think of one on the spot, tell us what your comeback would be!  Go ahead, get it off your chest!  Riotous women are standing by to help you. 

And tune in for more Redhot boldness with the Fabulous Madam Marcia and her guests -Jenny Hansen, Barbara McDowell, Piper Bayard, and Helen Atkinson!

Redhots

#TheRedhots

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25 responses

  1. Holy hilarious! I love your tales of the sassy lassie. 😉 And, yes, lack of sleep makes me “sassy” too. Just ask my hubby. *ahem*

    1. I mean, what would you say to the guy who tried to steal your hair products, Renee? That’s the comeback I want to hear! LOL

  2. Love it! All of you ladies definitely fit The Redhots idea of sassy! You just have to read what Jenny, Barb, Piper and Helen had to say!

  3. Love the sass!!!

    1. Thanks for participating, Helen! We Redhots have the best gal pals!

  4. I am going to use Nina’s “That’s a really personal question” comeback. I am always flabbergasted at the stuff people will ask in the name of banal, getting-to-know-you conversation.

    1. And thanks for featuring me.

      1. Shared this post with my dad and he LOVED your comeback story, Catie! You know what it reminds me of? John Pinette’s joke about buying a toaster. You have to see this! It’s hilarious!

    2. And please start using “shame pit” with me! That’s my new favorite phrase!

  5. Do you really want to know what turns ME into a sassy, redhot woman…?

      1. I would, but I’ll have to shave my legs first.

        1. I bet every woman is saying, “Go right ahead!”

  6. My favorite comeback? “Ouch.”
    Sassy girls unite!

    1. Short and sweet. I dig it.

  7. Susie– ouch is a good, simple one. I like it!

    Thanks so much for including me in this fun and SASSY post! 🙂

    1. Thanks for introducing your best comeback and the term “shame pit”! Love it, Nina!

  8. The older I get, the sassier I am. I believe it has to do with having confidence in myself and not being afraid someone will accuse me of overreacting. I especially enjoyed Catie’s comeback. People in sales who try to take advantage of others with slick language really bothers me.

    Nice post, Jess!

    1. Thanks Jolyse! I sure don’t mind getting sassier with age! The bolder the better, just like fine wine! 😀

  9. Okay, okay, I’ll share. I really didn’t want to share this one because it involves cussing, and I made a personal decision some time ago to avoid that as much as possible. But hey, this was back in high school, and the lying, cheating jerk deserved it. Right???

    So my boyfriend became my ex-boyfriend very quickly when I discovered he had cheated. I called him on it, and he had a whole explanation of sorts. He was such a charmer and used to smoothing over situations. At the end of his syrupy sweet explanation, he said, “I hope we can still be friends,” to which I simply retorted, “No way. My friends don’t treat me like s____!” And I hung up. It was awfully satisfying in the moment.

    1. Julie I wish I had your gusto when I was in high school. What a great comeback!

      1. (I left out that I dated his friend later. Ssshhh.)

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