Hey y’all! I’ve spent my weekend in Texas and picked up a twang courtesy Julie Glover, my DFW Writers Conference roommate. I suppose that’s better than the “Canadian vernacular” that Tiffany White thinks I have. 😉
When stalking agents, editors, and keynote speakers at a conference, it’s good to remember a few tips.
1. Be stealthy.
Handerpants are gloves that look like underwear. These will keep you fashionably comfortable, because it’s important to breath…down there. I’m talking about Texas, y’all! Get your mind outta the gutters!
Best part (or not so best part – depending on your fancy) is one size fits all!
2. Bring a bouncer.
Crowds can be overwhelming for writers. And if you find yourself swarmed by people, and you have to go to the bathroom really really bad, it’s good to have a bouncer or bodyguard to scare people out of your way. Julie and I found ourselves a grrrreat one!
3. Feelin’ Lonely? Trust in the Strength of a Good Man!
Let’s face it, we women are completely in over our heads when it comes to writing. What would we talk to an agent about??? How to get make up stains out of your blouse? What color pearls go best with what appliance? Book writing is too dern hard! At the end of the day, we just want our man to sit down at the dinner table.
Look! See how the women flock to his side!
4. Break the ice with a good old fashioned joke.
Everyone loves to laugh.
No, really they do. Who have you ever heard say, “You know what?” asked Mildred, “I think laughter is abominable!”
If you have heard that, you should probably not bring Mildred to the writers conference. Or your birthday party. Or the movies. Or anywhere there are people.
We know how to do it! Rachel Funk Heller‘s sides are still hurting from Jenny’s and my comic genius!
5. Travel in packs – that’s how nature’s best predators do it!
I once read in 3rd grade that a lion can leap a 3.5 meter fence with a whole cow in its jaws! Imagine what a whole herd could do!
Tameri Etherton can film an entire movie with nothing but a marble, a seesaw, and a Dixie cup.
Debra Kristi fights crime on the streets of California while baking cookies for her kids’ school fundraiser.
My superpower is laser vision that detects any and all bugs in the room within the first 5 minutes of entering.
Diana Beebe has the most beautiful singing voice, and all who hear it instantly adopt a shelter dog.
Melinda VanLone is secretly a fairy queen, running her magic mafia in the basement of an abandoned pizzeria.
and Nicole Grabner is the fashion stylist for both Lady Gaga and Grumpy Cat, neither of which look good in leggings.
That’s all for today folks! Tune in Friday for more DFWcon Stalkathon!
What are your best tips for conference attending? What do you do if you DON’T have handerpants in your purse?