Do You Like Me? Yes or No: Love Notes from SEO

All writers and bloggers know that SEO (Search Engine Optimization) is a crucial part of establishing your online brand. Tags and Keywords are required in order for the Internet Gods to find you and connect you with readers. With tags, we have a say. We can edit our own tags to include the subject matter we blog about in hopes that interested readers will search those tags and find us. For example, I’ve tagged this post to come up in searches for my name, my blog’s name, SEO, blogging, and writers.

We can influence keywords as well, but the Internet Gods that be (on the seventh day they tweeted) will also pull things from our posts based on wording we’ve used and formatting.

Every now and then I like to take a peak at my blog stats to see what search terms led people to find my little hub in the great wide blogosphere. And the randomness of some of the search terms never ceases to amuse me.

In the past, you may have found my blog by searching one or all of the following phrases:

  • how to do the Peanuts dance
  • dino erotica
  • what defined the 80’s
  • things to blog about that start with ‘S’
  • vampire attacks
  • claimed vampire attacks in 2013
  • covered up vampire attacks

Why, YES I CAN instruct you how to do the Peanuts dance, why you SHOULDN’T buy dino erotica, what defined the 80’s (I’ll save you the read – it’s fanny packs), things to blog about that start with ‘S’ (you could also consult a dictionary, but I’ve got some ideas – Snuggies, sleep, sloths, the character Sloth from the movie The Goonies…). And I can tell you about ONE claimed vampire attack in 2013 that may in fact be a cover up by a moderately well known band.

Now, I like to imagine you, Dear Readers, opening your Google search engines and writing to me personally, like Dear Abby, all of your quizzical interweb wonderings. I think of your search terms as love notes. And I hope that I can answer your questions.

Yes I Can

My Campaign Slogan – just in time for election day!

But lately, I’m beginning to feel like we should see other people. Your requests have gotten out of hand. And I think it’s time we introduce a safe word. You know, something to say when one of us feels the other has the crossed the line.Β  How about ‘parakeet‘? I think it works because I dislike them too.

A week ago when I looked at the search terms that led you here, I was flummoxed. And more than a little uncomfortable.

Recent Search Terms That Led You to the Happiness Project:

  • inside LDS temples
  • scary ouija board conversations
  • what to wear in the tundra
  • what does it mean if you draw a swing
  • dragon hill spa placenta
  • i dreamed there was 5 little orphan baby bats all snuffling dreams
  • girls and boars
  • sideshow freak posters
  • queens drinking tea
  • Tia Carrere’s legs
  • Jonathan Crombie’s girlfriend
  • inflatable handcuffs hahaha
  • how to fix a box fan
  • ideas of how to dress like The Hulk
  • hippies, gypsies, no bras and no squares
  • absurdist quirky films
  • Willoughby “the slime”
  • German women in dirndls
  • absurdly romantic things to say to a woman
  • what causes super human hearing
  • sex free friendship with old Indian woman


Who am I to you, SEO? Do you even know me? I thought we loved one another.

SEO love letter

I think it’s time we slow things down, SEO. NaNoWriMo is starting and I just don’t have time for this. Come talk to me when you’re not drunk. You’ve got my number.


Follow up Request to the Internet Gods

Dear Internet Lords,

I just called for a break between me and my SEO. Lately I feel like he doesn’t get me anymore. And he’s always asking me for the strangest requests. I’m tired and I feel like he doesn’t respect me anymore. What should I do? Oh, and how do I change my blog relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’?


Baffled and Blogging


What’s your SEO relationship like?
or Write me your best Dear Abby response!

24 responses

  1. The search terms for my blog are almost never weird. They are either people’s names or how to do or find something normal. But, honestly, your search terms ARE good for a laugh. πŸ™‚ It almost makes me wish I DID have some weird ones.

    1. I could just start search bombing you by typing into Google: Lauralynn Elliott tablecloth snatcher, Lauralynn Elliott dreams about cupboard doors that don’t close when you stuff cheese in them, Lauralynn Elliott dinosaur magnet collection…

      I’m just bouncing around what pops up first, but I’m willing to do this for you.

      1. I really needed that laugh this morning. πŸ™‚

        1. Offer’s on the table!

  2. I get some crazy ones too. The creepiest? Susie Lindau naked photo. What?????
    So maybe you know something, I don’t. How are you using your key words and title to bring in SEOs? I don’t get as many searching as I should!

    1. That is creepy but hopefully they were just trying to find the image you used for your boob reports. Yikes!
      And I have no idea. I know you can, but that makes my brain think too hard when writing. You can also get posts boosted thru Google Authorship and Marcy Kennedy has a post about that. I believe I signed up following her instructions.

      1. Cool! I know we are limited at .com. My daughter works with SEO professionally!
        She looked at my site and it is different from the ones she works with and Google is always changing how to appear at the top.
        Thanks! I will check into Marcy’s post.

  3. This last quarter, the biggest searches that have lead to my page have been related to awkward moments, mutual masturbation, and household items as sex toys. The strangest? Pubic hairstyle mens lion mane. And there are a few that are so inappropriate because they deal in incestuous type situations that I’m uncomfortable to even type them…which should tell you something. We both know just how shy I am…LOL!

    1. Yah I bet your search list needs a rain jacket to read cuz it’s STEAMY up in there!

  4. This is so funny. I have to check my searches now. If appropriate, I will share. LOL

    1. Perhaps you’d like to offer your guest posting services and cover one of the topics above? It seems my readers are desperate to know these things.

  5. “dragon hill spa placenta” cracked me up. I started keeping a list of my weird ones, but I’ve forgotten where it is – probably a good thing!

    1. Check your desk. That’s where all my missing work ends up.

  6. The SEO “laws” seem to change so frequently I’ve… Well, I won’t say I’ve given up because I still tag and think about layering in key words. BUT I’ve given up trying so hard and am just trying to focus on being a better (and more frequent) blogger.

    1. Me too! I only read them for fun.

  7. Oh my! These are so crazy random bizarre!!! I am so shaking my head right now. Funny post, Jess! πŸ™‚

    1. Could you write a post about magic carpets and cotton balls? No? You’re saying that request is ludicrous? Who invited you to this party?

  8. You get “Tia Carrere’s legs,” my searchers are looking for “Kate Middleton’s feet.” Now I’m curious whose hips are the most sought-after.

    And I love how “inflatable handcuffs” is appended with “hahaha.”

    I always enjoy posts about blog search terms!

    1. Hips, huh? I’d Google Helen Mirren. She’s GORGEOUS!

      And I also appreciated that the person searching inflatable handcuffs was only kidding.

      1. Fair enough, but when I think of sexy hips my thoughts turn to Shakira…NOT Helen Mirren!

  9. See, I don’t even pay attention to SEO. I know I should, but at this point, I really don’t care. But you keep at it girlfriend. I think we can all learn a thing or two from you. πŸ™‚

    1. I’m looking for a guest poster to write about orphan bats. You interested? πŸ˜‰

  10. I’m embarrassed to say that I didn’t even know I could tell what led someone to my blog until reading this. I guess I must be doing it wrong, because all I generally see on my stats page is geographic location. Thanks for the new (to me) information, Jess! πŸ™‚

    1. I don’t think you’re doing it wrong. It might be me given the variety of weird search terms I’m finding. LOL

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