A Wife Discovers Star Trek: Live Long and Silent?

It was Friday afternoon and I had just returned home from work to find my husband settled in the arm chair watching reruns of Star Trek on TV. I’ve seen a few of the movies, but had never watched the television series before.

“Scoot over,” I said, and snuggled in, ready to start my weekend and find out what all of the fuss was about.

I think maybe I watched the wrong first episode?

The title of the show was ‘The Empath’. Our trio of explorers, Captain Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are zapped onto an unknown planet with alien men whose heads, to me, looked like giant ears.

Along for the ride, was a humanoid empath, who cannot speak but can heal the injuries of others. She can also rock a neon blue leotard covered in cloth made of butterfly tears.

Throughout the episode, Kirk and McCoy are tortured by the f(ear)less aliens using rainbow beams that shoot from gadgets similar to the good ol’ Viewmaster.

They are always returned to the holding cell on the brink of death, forcing the empath to heal them.

And this is where I got a little irritated.

Running her acrylic nailed hands over their faces, soothing their furrowed brows, and rubbing their shoulders and chests, the empath healed our heroes. And she did all of it with this look on her face. “Wait a minute. You’re telling me these guys are teamed up with a woman who CAN’T TALK and MASSAGES them all day?!! Well you can tell a man wrote this episode.”

My husband looked at me, annoyed. Probably wishing he’d married one of those humanoid empath wives. You know, the ones who can’t talk and massage their men with manicured hands.

“When you’re ready to get off your high horse,” he said, “I’ll be down here drinking my coffee.”

“Look at her face. How does one even make that face?” I asked.

I tilted my head and tried looking wounded, sexy, and cosmic all at the same time.

“That’s creepy,” he replied.

“Well, I don’t see what the fuss is about this show. There’s certainly nothing of interest for the women watching it. And I mean really, that last action scene? Was he creating his own slow motion? Who runs like that?”

My husband set his coffee mug down and turned toward me again. “Is this what it’s like?” he asked.

“What what’s like?”

“When I make fun of your shows?”

I cocked my head again.

“Thank you, honey, for showing me what that feels like. Now can you please not talk anymore?”

That was the start of my weekend! How was yours?
Massage any men lately or take a vow of silence? 

17 responses

  1. After 20 years of wedded bliss, I’ve taken a vow of silence (mostly) when it comes to hubby’s action movies and TV shows. I don’t get watching a bunch of hyper-caffeinated he-men shooting each other and driving off cliffs. But I know he doesn’t get my PBS documentaries (can you say “yawn”…) or murder mysteries, either. But I’m with you on the Star Trek humanoid empaths – what kind of role model is that, anyhow?? Massages? Kindly looks? No talking? You’re right, Jess – a guy definitely wrote that episode!!

    1. He’ll never say another word about my Jane Austen movies again. 🙂

  2. This is why I always preferred Star Trek: The Next Generation. Picard may not have the same charisma as Kirk, but the storylines were much more equally balanced between the genders. No Tribbles, though…

    1. Joe did say that some plotlines were better than others. Generally speaking, I liked the Star Trek team and Uhura (sp?) is cool. I just had to laugh that of all the episodes in all the series…I watch the one with the empath. #HeadDesk

  3. My husband has been relentless while watching DWTS tonight. Ha!

    1. We were at a pub when that was on and Joe was freaking out. I was just like, “Hey, that’s Suzanne Somers.” *eats another bite of burger* LOL Enjoy your guilty pleasure TV Susie!

  4. So I’m probably the only female who loves Star Trek? Yes, it was cheesy, but it was from the 60’s. Spock is, and will always be, my favorite Star Trek character. I also like Next Generation, but I stopped there and didn’t watch the other two or three series. The original will always be my favorite.

    When I make fun of hubby’s TV shows, it’s usually the sitcoms he watches. LOL

    1. I did say that Spock was my fave. And I did agree to watch another episode. He is picking the one with Khan.

  5. Definitely laughed out loud! My husband probably would love it if I took a vow of silence. Not happening any time soon!

    1. I’m sure all spouses would love that from time to time. Haha

  6. I just saw the Khan episode recently. It’s good but brace yourself. There’s a totally sexist component to the plot.

      1. You have to put this show in context. Most of the episodes were in black and white (they’ve now been colorized). But Khan is nice eye candy, so paybacks and all that…

  7. karenmcfarland | Reply

    Hee, hee, hee! I lived through Star Trek once and once was enough. lol. Now you see why I didn’t get it. 🙂

    1. I wanna like it for it’s history. We actually saw a bunch of memorabilia from the show when we visited the Science Fiction Museum in Seattle. I thought that was cool.

  8. I LOVED Star Trek. Thanks for bringing logic and reason into the character discussion, thereby ruining it for me forever, Mr. Spock.

    I do like her eye shadow, though. Does it match her manicure?

    1. It certainly compliments her unitard.

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