Is That Weird? – Shit I Did as a Kid

Image-1I know I look innocent. But underneath the red hair and camera-ready smile lurks the mind of a madwoman.

Do you ever think back to all the weird stuff you did as a kid and go, “How did my parents NOT sell me to the gypsies?”

I grew up watching Heidi, so that was a viable threat in my house. And believe me, my siblings sure tried!

I was a weird kid. I mean the complete opposite of the well-rounded, well-mannered adult you find here at the Happiness Project.

*crickets*

Just roll with it, ok guys? I’m trying to be well-rounded and well-mannered. Some of us just have to work harder than others.

Anyway, I was a weird kid. And for your amusement, I’ve compiled a list of examples. Feel free to chime in with a “I’ve done that too!” or “That’s the work of a completely sane person!” while reading.

Shit I Did as a Kid

1) One time I was mad at my mom for something I can’t remember so I stabbed a big hole in the dining room tablecloth with a letter opener. 

This took me months of tooth fairy money to pay back. Can you imagine praying your teeth would fall out just so you could get debt free with your ma?

2) I really liked to cut the hair off my Barbie dolls, but I knew my mom would yell at me if she saw, so I hid the hair in her JC Penney’s catalog. 

Ok, first, that was a stupid hiding place because she read that thing cover to cover. And second, hindsight is 20/20. Yes, I think opening up a shopping magazine only to have a bunch of hair fall in your lap is creepy as shit, but I was like six or seven so I just picked the largest catalog under the coffee table and shoved it in.

3) I was really into pen pals and wrote letters to our priest by dropping them in the collection basket at church. 

See, I’ve redeemed myself a little from #2 haven’t I?

4) I set a small patch of our living room carpet on fire by testing if kleenex was flammable. 

It is.

5) My favorite thing to be when playing “pretend” was an orphan. 

Orphans and underdogs were my heroes, and most of them could talk to animals, so I thought it sounded pretty good.

6) I was scared to go into our basement alone because I thought E.T. lived there, and I didn’t like his “sausage fingers.”

Go google image search “E.T. phone home” and look at those phalanges. They’re creepy.

7) It’s quite possible one of my Cabbage Patch Dolls has mold growing inside it, but I refused to let my mother take it from me. 

My baby Cabbage Patch, whose name was Adelle Patti, but I couldn’t pronounce Adelle at the time, so we always called her Patti developed some weird greenish grayish spots on her baby powder-scented head. I think my sister wanted us to send the doll in and see if they would “fix” her, but she was my favorite, and no one was getting near her.

8) I cut off the tip of my right index finger when I was three by sticking it in that thingy you use to hold screen doors open.

It’s still one of the only times my dad ever swore.

9) I really liked talking with different accents and voices, and I practiced them by reading out loud, alternating my voice with each page. 

To be fair, I did this when I was home alone, so I wasn’t bothering anyone.

10) When I couldn’t sleep at night, I would close my eyes then lift my eyelids up. Then when I opened my eyes, the lids make a clicking noise. 

One of my nieces does this now. My sister was telling me about how her daughter made these weird noises with her eyes, and I was like “You mean this?” And she was all “OMG! Yes, that’s disgusting.”

So tell me, is that weird?
You do these things too, don’t you? 

Want more shit I did as a kid? Want more awkward and funny stories? Want more signs I have no shame?

Then vote for me as Funniest Blog in The Indie Chicks’ Badass Blog Awards! Polls are open through Friday, and every vote (you get one a day) counts!

Oh, and please put in a good word for the illustrious August McLaughlin, author and radio host of the #GirlBoner series. She’s up for Best Blunt Blog and totally worthy.

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22 responses

  1. I don’t know, Jess – you were so doggone cute in that photo that I’m sure your parents overlooked all the goofy things you did! You should probably ask them, just to be sure – I’m sure they’ve forgiven you for that tablecloth hacking incident, right??? 😉

    1. I paid good tooth fairy money for a new one! Actually, there is no way that covered a new tablecloth given what I was paid. LOL

  2. Um…no. I haven’t done any of these. Honestly, I was a very good kid. How boring.

    1. Really? You never got in trouble? How’d you like to hang out for a weekend? I could get us into some mischief.

  3. LOL! I once made an inch-wide hole in my wooden bedroom door because I wanted a peep hole. At that age, I didn’t realize that the door had two layers, so it didn’t work. I also didn’t realize it would be so permanently destructive. I kept the hole covered with a poster until we moved when I was a teen, and my parents might not have known. 😉

    1. Ha! Nice! What poster did you use? Was it New Kids on the Block? Tell me it was New Kids on the Block.

  4. It’s good to know that Kleenex are flammable. Life lesson there, Jess.

    I didn’t cut off the hair from any dolls, but I did butcher MY OWN hair. And my brother’s, too. I was kind of an asshole, but again, this is 20/20 hindsight speaking.

    I also stuck my finger in a light socket. On purpose. All in the name of “science.”

    So, you may have been a little weird, but aren’t we all?

    1. I support our curiosity and stylistic skills completely. We should host our own Mythbusters episode. It’d be classic!

      1. If we didn’t burn down the set, of course…

  5. Except Lauralynn Elliott, apparently…

    1. I didn’t say I wasn’t WEIRD. LOL

    2. She has to be lying! LOL

      1. Ha! Maybe I was so good because my brother was bad enough for two people. I kid you not. He was always taking everything apart. And once, he chased me into my room and I locked the door. He was so mad, he took a hammer and beat a hole in my door. I crawled out the window to get away from him.

        1. Yikes! My brother would chase me too and I’d run to the bathroom, which didn’t lock but you could pull a drawer out that blocked it. We created a nice dent in the door from multiple bangs against that drawer. He used to stick his fingers under the door frame and taunt me…until I took my mom’s smelly Avon perfume and sprayed him with it. Bahahahhahaha! Oh that’s still my favorite defense tactic.

  6. LOL I love this list! We would’ve had some awesome mischievous fun together as kids. 😉

    I was obsessed with penpals, too, only I wrote to prisoners (Mom caught me and threw them away), and to random anyone’s by way of letters in bottles. (Sorry, fish!)

    Thanks for the sweet mention and support, lady! Rooting for you!

    1. I wrote to a priest, you wrote to prisoners. Again, are we sisters? It seems like we’re sisters. LOL

      I like that you wrote messages in a bottle too. That’s fun (yah, sorry fish). I never did do that. I passed a lot of notes in class. ??? And I had lots of pen pals. One I wrote to from 4th grade thru college, I wrote to a couple 2nd cousins that were around my age, and for a year I had a pen pal from Russia. My mom started me on the hobby because she’s had 2 lifelong pen pals – they’ve never met – one in Canada and the other in New Zealand. But they write and send photos and all that jazz. Pretty fun. It’s old school blogging, but with less side comments and more commemorative postage stamps. 😉

  7. I LAUGHED reading this. No, not weird – just normal kid stuff.

    1. Totally normal stabby, pen pal writing kid stuff! 😉

  8. Jess! I howled at your kid-dom shenanigans. I’d vote weird, but that might dissuade you from giving me a demo of reading aloud in different accents.

    The weirdest thing I remember doing? It was a rainy day on the farm. I couldn’t go outside. I felt like doing somersaults. So, I went to the second floor, hunkered, tucked my head, and launched myself into an unstoppable ka-thunk-a-thon down those farmhouse stairs.

    That may explain why my brain has a whack-a-noodle propensity. What’s your excuse?

    1. Oh man, we use to slide down our stairs on top of pillows, and then we thought if sliding down on top of pillows was good, surely sliding down with out feet inside the pillow cases would be better! Um yah, injuries. And then once my sister went down the stairs in a laundry basket and ended up somersaulting down. We are so lucky we never broke any bones. Brain scramble for sure!

  9. None of those things is insane, they’re all normal for a kid because let’s be honest, as kids we were all kind of an asshole, weren’t we. Also my favorite thing to be when I play pretend was also an orphan! 🙂

    1. All the great Disney characters are!

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