If you google “will mermaids take over our jobs” you will, in fact, find a slew of mermaid job opportunities.
I thought it was important you know this. Because Professional Mermaid is a thing.
Mehgan Heaney-Grier trying out a new style of swim fin in the waters of the Florida Keys. (Creative Commons)
I was recently out to coffee with a friend who had heard about a documentary (later outed as a docufiction) called Mermaids: The Body Found. It aired on both Animal Planet and the Discovery Channel. You can see film clips about mermaid sightings, their evolution, and history here.
Or you can look on YouTube and find the whole thing – but I’m not responsible, related to, or acquainted with whoever put it there.
I think the show’s worth a watch, if you can get past the narrator referring to them as “underwater apes”. That’s as bad as calling a tyrannosaurus rex a “big lizard.”
But this story gets better.
During its US premiere, Mermaids: The Body Found received 1.9 million views, the largest the network had seen in six years.
A vast majority of those viewers missed the teeny tiny, somewhat hidden disclaimer behind this mockumentary, and believed that shit WAS REAL.
As a result, thousands of people started writing letters to the US National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration demanding action.
What if the mermaids started eating all our shrimp and caused a food shortage?
What if they were after OUR JOBS?
Artwork by Heather Hertzel
Okay, timeout.
In what bored, cubicle-trapped mind, would you fear that of all the possible things that could possibly happen, MERMAIDS swarming the workforce, overtaking your career, would be something worth writing an angry letter about?
Like a pack of mermaids are gonna scuba their way inside the nearest factories and corporations and start mass applying for jobs with 401k plans?
Or like, you’ll be in a video store with your family, looking for a movie to watch, when suddenly the clerk shouts out from her tank behind the register that ‘Free Willy’ is her pick of the week and she highly recommends it?
Do you know that only 36% of the population even voted in the last federal election?
We can’t remember to vote for the bi-pedal humans that LEAD us, but we’ve got time to get pissed off about mermaids?!
Wait for it, it continues to get better.
The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration got so many letters that they issued a statement. And in that statement, they said that mermaid migration leading to infiltrated job opportunities was not a concern of theirs as 1) mermaids aren’t real and 2) if it ever DID happen, it’d be a problem for immigration, so please stop writing them letters about mermaids.
This is too rich. I mean, this story is like eating a decadent cheesecake. Or a crab cake. Either way, I want another bite.
While researching mermaids (and finding the definitive proof they exist, but I don’t have time to talk about that today), I also found these gems.
- Plan your next vacation at Weeki Wachee Springs State Park – Home of the Weeki Wachee Mermaids
- Check out Tears of a Mermaid, the short film starring Hannah Fraser, who works to promote education and conservation of ocean life. She took a unique approach to not just deep dive, but dance, with one of the deadliest ocean predators, the Tiger Shark.
- Another ocean conservationist and entertainer is Mermaid Melissa. You can even hire her for parties!
- Watch the trailer for Funny or Die’s latest Sophia Coppola film, The Little Mermaid
What do you think? Are mermaids real?
And will they take over our jobs?
*****
Last but not least, this week is the final #Keanuthon countdown.
We had a great time watching The Matrix last wednesday. Hop on the hashtag #Keanuthon to see all the fun!
This week we’re watching Constantine, one of my favorite Keanu Reeves movies. He plays John Constantine, a man who has “been to hell and back.” He’s on a mission to prove himself. Co-starring another favorite actor of mine, Rachel Weisz, together they team up to solve the mystery of her twin sister’s untimely death.
I hope you join us for one more round! I’m looking forward to it!
Hubby and I are thinking of hosting a scary movie marathon in October.
Interested in joining us for a #ScreamingScreening?
Jess Witkins' Happiness Project 
This is just too funny! People can be so strange.
And I don’t think I’ve ever seen Constantine. It seems like every time it’s on, I’ve missed it for some reason. I really need to watch it! And I’m like you, I love Rachel Weisz.
I adore Rachel Weisz! She’s one of my faves! The Fountain is a beautiful movie and I loved her multiple roles in that. And the Constant Gardener. Tune in on Wednesday with us! I’d love to have you!
Now, the Screaming Screening is something I could get behind!
Just what types of parties does Mermaid Melissa attend?! I can think of a few N-Sea 17 rated events she might be in high demand for…
What are your scary movie recommendations for it?
And Bahahahaha on the pun! Truth, I thought her site was a little hokey, but still, she can free dive for long periods of time wearing a mermaid tale and that’s talent!
The Shining is a given. I’d also go with The Conjuring and Blair Witch Project.
Oh man, The Blair Witch Project is so bad! I used to own it but I donated it. “Witches in days of old roasted just like my Vienna sausage.”
Some of my best friends are mermaids! 🙂
Get out! Really?! Are you worried they might steal your job? 😉
As long as they are the best creature for the position! 🙂
It’s all true! Mermaids are going to eat all the fish and take our jobs.
That “documentary” (with it’s “this is science fiction” disclaimer) was the topic of my very first blog post. I loved that the NOAA people had to issue a statement about mermaids. The perfect introduction, don’t you think?
Now, if only I could get mermaids to do my windows. 😉
Not sure I could handle the scary movie thing. Yeah. Nope. I had a hard time watching Constantine. I could watch John Wick again though. And The Lake Cabin. Just sayin’ in case you need to extend the Keanuthon.
LOL. I was going to ask you about the Mermaid show! Of course you knew all about it!
Truth, Keanuthon was extended. So many women commented about his romance movies, I ended up watching Sweet November and I rented A Walk in the Clouds but haven’t watched it yet. I will do so in September yet. ☺️
Oh, yes, I forgot about those two movies. I may have to go back and watch them. 🙂 Woohoo, for extended Keanuthon! BTW–have you seen John Wick? Totally not a romance.
I think it’s hilarious that the goofy mermaid show keeps getting attention. It was soooo bad, but people thought it was REAL. LOL. They aired it a second time, which produced many funny tweets and things. I had to write another post about that one. 😀
We watched John Wick the night we met Keanu. Seemed fitting.
So. My daughter saw that “documentary” and Fahreaked out, in excitement, because here was proof! She made me watch parts of it, I was like, honey, I’m not sure…she was 28 at the time. Back story: same daughter from three to about six years old swam like a mermaid–or dolphin, her legs stayed together as she moved her body underwater.
Anyway…I finally convinced the “documentary” wasn’t real. But Mermaids are totally real.
Did you watch the part about how they’ve stayed hidden for centuries and then there’s all those clips of “caught on camera” webbed hands and fins?
It’d be really cool to believe it. I’d be excited if it was the case, but this was just filmed so cheesy.
Interesting topic of Mermaids…wait does the Disney version “The Little Mermaid” come into play as well? Great post!
Watch that Sophia Coppola spoof on the little mermaid! It’s hilarious.
Just saw it…it was hilarious!! Nice