Why I’ll Never Be a Teen Model

I am not a photogenic person. I never have been. I simply don’t have one of those faces that effortlessly looks amazing all the time.

I have one of those faces that requires work. It is great for making really awkward faces. I have a big nose, that scrunches up when I show any kind of emotion, and I have gigantic teeth. No, literally my teeth are so big, I’ve had NINE removed, and I still have a full set of teeth.

You may be thinking, “That’s…a fun fact. Thanks for sharing?” 

You’re welcome.

Those selfies you see on my instagram account probably required like 20 or more shots. My photo collections from trips I take or events I’m involved in are all staged. You will not find candids, because when people try to take candids of me, they look like this…
That is a real, undoctored photo my husband took of me while storytelling.

And I was telling a funny story! Why do I look so…so…annoyed? 

Have you ever watched America’s Next Top Model, that show hosted by Tyra Banks? She’s always telling the girls to smile with their eyes, she calls it SMIZE. Well, if the photos from above are any indication, the only contest I’m going to win is for the smier – I can sneer with my eyes, you guys. Or maybe it’s smudge? Cause I’m judging you with my eyes. All I know is, look at that epic scowl, folks?

Master-level-ninja-force-facial-attitude.

And that’s why I’ll never be a teen model.

Also I’m pretty sure there’s an age clause in the contract that requires the model to in fact, BE a teenager. But I haven’t looked into it, who knows? 

How do you feel about photos of yourself?
Do you know how to smize or better yet, smier? 

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13 responses

  1. Dude. My friends call me rubber face! But after 56 years I can take a pretty good picture…as long as it’s not candid, and I’m standing sideways, and looking up at you, and there’s low lighting and then someone magically makes it a black and white photo.

    1. LMAO! Right??? Yah, ditto on the black and white filter, that always fixes things. Maybe that’s why vintage photos look so cool.

  2. I have a GREAT photo of my husband making the most crabby annoyed face ever because he got mad that i needed to fix my hair/pose/chin angle before we took a selfie. I consider it karma. 🙂

    1. That’s hilarious. And definitely a keeper. The husband and the photo. Keep them both – just to clarify.

  3. For some reason, the camera never capures what my eye sees. I wish I could take a picture of my beautiful mom, and have a button on the camera that says “show the love”! It would be a picture of the most gorgeous mom you’ve ever seen!

    1. Did you ever have one of those old cameras that auto-set all the time? We had one that focused on whatever area you first held it up, and it didn’t matter if you moved it a bit afterwards. This was film too, so no instant viewing. We’d develop the film and get a whole bunch of shots of people from the neck up and then just wall. Ceiling and wall. LOL

      1. No, I’ve never seen that. My oldest camera was a Cannon. Nothing automatic, except the flash, that you set to indoor or outdoor. You had to turn the lens to focus.

  4. Ha! Do I ever relate to this! I take horrible pictures. No, I mean it. It used to be the “red eye.” Now, with the selfie age, forget it. I look like a dork. So, I usually hide from a camera, unless I get caught. But it ain’t pretty. Although, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I can’t imagine you breaking a camera. You’re gorgeous girl! Embrace it! 🙂

    1. Gorgeous in a goonies kind of way. LOL

  5. Personally I think you’re beautiful, Jess. 🙂 I’ve never been very photogenic myself. Matter of fact, I’m the douche bag in the family photo hiding behind a shoulder so my face is obscured. lol Whether it’s from being bigger when I was a teenager or what, I’m completely adverse to cameras. Mathair has told me that I should get used to it by taking selfies and practicing smiles and faces for the camera, but the whole process just felt foreign and I would inevitably cross one eye or give my phone a birdie.

    1. Yah I never look the way I do in selfies for candid or group shots. So frustrating.

  6. My family’s one of those that has to take a family photo every time we get everyone together. That’s about once a year…so yeah, lots of family photos =) There’s not one yet that I like of myself. *Sigh* Guess that’s the way it goes.

    By the way, I’m with Inion, you’re a beautiful woman, Jess.

    1. That’s nice you have all those memories captured though! I’m jealous of that.

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