Easy, Breezy, Beautiful? My Awkward Moment Told in Gifs

Image-1 (1)“There’s a hole in my pants,” I realized, about 20 minutes before I was going to speak to a group of twentysome middle school students. 

About STDs. 

“There’s a goddamn HOLE! In my pants.” 

Naturally, I did the only thing I could do at that point.

I texted a friend ala Margaret Cho-style, as in “YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DID!”

Let me backup.

I am transitioning to a new role in my job. I’m leaving my basement-located office work for the wide, open world of sex education where you get to say things like “Have you seen my uterus?” and that’s not considered a personal question. Also, the air smells like puberty about 80% of the time.

My colleagues and I are now learning the material for the multiple talks our clinic provides, and we were each given a focus talk to prioritize.

Guess who got STDs??!!

jerri blank what are you looking at

I mean I PRESENT on sexually transmitted diseases.

Anyway, I arrived at the middle school, checked in at the office and since I was there early, excused myself to use the restroom before heading to class.

It was there, in the bathroom, when I noticed I COULD SEE THE FLOOR THROUGH MY PANTS!

jerri blank shocked

I was wearing a brand new pair of dress pants I’d purchased the week before and not worn yet. The seam below the zipper had unraveled and created a diamond shaped hole, through which the orange tile floor was all too crisp and clear.

oh fudge
Oooooooooh, fffuuuuuuuuuuudge.

Only I didn’t say fudge.

Like anyone in a serious situation, I immediately took inventory of anything I could possibly use to fix this major wardrobe malfunction.

Hand soap. Paper towel.

“This bathroom is useless to me! I have nothing!” 

Leo crying

I debated my options. My limited options.

frank choices

“That’s it,” I thought. Only thing I could do was teach the class. I was going to have to make the best of the situation.

mean girls

I had worn a top that was a little longer that day, and had a tank top beneath it.

I stretched and pulled and yanked that tank top as low as I could get it to go.

Then I walked in front of that class like…

awkward gifHeeeeeeeey!

And for the duration of the 40 minute class, I kept my legs well crossed and stood in the shadiest corner of the classroom I could find while still being able to point to the front screen as needed.

When it was over and I packed up, I got in the car like…

kip yes
Nailed it!

*****

Soooo, how was YOUR week?

 

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14 responses

  1. Awesome story! Love the gifs.

    1. I felt they adequately addressed the issue. 😏

  2. I really shouldn’t be laughing, but i absolutely am…I often face such ridiculously embarrassing situations myself, feel thoroughly mortified, go about with a ‘why me?’ expression for some days and finally, when the novelty of mortification has somewhat worn off, well, I laugh like crazy, remembering such incidents.

    1. Because at that point that’s all you CAN do! 😂😂😂

      1. true! 😀

  3. Well, your tale is pretty funny, but replace the middle school students with professors at a theological seminary and the STD talk with training them to use a new copier. Then instead of a small triangular mishap in your trouser seam as you stand teaching, imagine squatting to demonstrate how one should remove a paper jam and have the double stitched seam up the front of your straight skirt split all the way to the waist. Yes, that happened to me.

    1. You’re my new best friend, Jane! You can sit by me anytime!

  4. Good for you for soldiering on! And for being able to laugh about it later. It’s funny (as it amusingly strange) how the mishaps of life become the memories we laugh about most often.

    1. I always say if I didn’t laugh, I’d cry, so it’s way better to not take myself so seriously! Plus, it does make for an entertaining blog post!

  5. […] Anyway, my point is that holidays can be stressful. I don’t know about your household, but mine has been getting some heavy hits lately. My job is once more transitioning which means training someone else and learning a new job myself, because of re-budgeting my hours and pay are getting cut, my sister just found out she most likely has cancer (again), there have been several sudden deaths in and around my family, and if that’s not enough to deal with…my pants ripped while I was giving a talk at a middle school. […]

  6. I can totally imagine, I’ve had mortifying things happen in public too, lol. They wouldn’t be any fun if they didn’t hppen in public, right? 🙂

    1. LMAO! Now that’s a great way of thinking about it!

  7. OMG I am dyyyyying! What an incredible story!!

    1. I’m not sure I’d call it incredible… But thanks! LOL

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