It’s March Madness with the Redhots today as Marcia Richards and I dish on What Makes a Woman Sassy?
Ever wanted to have the perfect comeback? Ever wanted to one up someone with a good line? Ever left a situation, thinking minutes later, and had the exact witty thing to say in retort?
You are not alone.
We asked some of our favorite Redhot Women to tell us their best comeback stories, and here’s what they had to share!
To give this story a frame of reference, I’ll first say that everyone has a personality flaw. Mine is taking joy in making others feel stupid. With that in mind . . .The guy trying to sell us a “free” security system said, “It’s only one dollar a day.”I said, “So it’s $365 a year.”Puzzled, he said, “Well, no. It’s only a dollar a day.”To which I replied, “Right. And there’s 365 days in the year–except on leap years–so it’s $365 a year. That’s not exactly free, you know.”He left after that.
Something my mom always advised me to say to people who ask uncomfortable or pushy questions: “That’s a really personal question.” It’s not much of a comeback but it does state the obvious and usually puts the other person back in the shame pit where that question should have stayed.
When I was a Special Police Constable, I was ‘walking the beat’ around town and a van of builders drove past. They bibbed their horn and shouted terms of endearment from the windows, to which I turned and blew them all a kiss. My Sergeant laughed because he said I was ‘endorsing public relations’.
And thus these women are my idols! I’m totally going to steal Nina’s phrase of “shame pit.” That needs to get inducted to mainstream society slang.
What makes me feel like a sassy woman?
The truth of the matter is lack of sleep.
I am a very light sleeper. A very light sleeper. If the smoke alarm beeps once, I will hear it. If my honey is snoring, I will
smother him with a pillow politely dig my elbow into his spine until he wakes! 😀
One night, while in college, I awoke to a stranger kicking the door and calling out for our neighbors across the hall to open up. This went on for awhile. Full on sole of foot slamming into the door! I tried to wake my boyfriend and make him deal with the guy, but Joe is undoubtedly the fairy lovechild of Sleeping Beauty and Rip Van Winkle and nothing short of a hurricane cascading an Eric Clapton cover band with a pack of wild dogs whistling Dixie was going to wake him up. It’s quite revolting actually.
It was clear that I must take matters into my own hands.
Now, because I am a light sleeper, when I am woken from a good sleep for unnecessary causes, I turn into the Incredible Redheaded
So I got out of bed and whipped open our apartment door, where the guy tipped over drunk, back first into our hallway (because he had been sitting on the ground bracing his back against our door and stomping his foot against the neighbor’s door across the hallway).
“This sh!t is going to stop.”
I know for a fact that’s what I started with. Any and all expletives stated after that are a blur of sleep deprivation and rage. I know I shouted to him something about what a moron he was for repeatedly kicking the door and not hearing the dog bark, which clearly indicated the neighbor’s weren’t home. And then there was a threat made about calling the police and if I heard so much as one more toe tap on the door I’d filet his foot into a new doormat on which I’d stomp my own feet every day.
I think he whimpered.
I shut the door and went back to bed. I didn’t hear a peep after that.
*Victory is MINE!*
The next day when I returned from class, I saw my roommate’s door open and asked, “Did you NOT hear that guy kicking the door last night?!”
My roommate cracked up laughing, “I heard you rip that guy a new one! I was like, “Ha ha! My 90 pound roommate showed your ass!”
What can I say? Lack of sleep makes me sassy.
What turns you into a Sassy Redhot Woman? What was your best comeback? Even if you can’t think of one on the spot, tell us what your comeback would be! Go ahead, get it off your chest! Riotous women are standing by to help you.
And tune in for more Redhot boldness with the Fabulous Madam Marcia and her guests -Jenny Hansen, Barbara McDowell, Piper Bayard, and Helen Atkinson!
Hi Everyone! It’s another episode of The Redhots, and we have something a little different in store for you! First, I must sadly say I’m flying solo this month because Shhh – Marcia’s writing/sleeping/writing/sleeping! She’ll be back next month and we have a FABULOUS blog planned for you all!
So this month, I teamed up with the endearing August McLaughlin for her
Beauty of a Woman Blogfest!
Since I believe we all need a little REDHOTness in our lives, I challenged several of my favorite bloggers to share their thoughts on What makes a woman REDHOT? Here’s what they had to say!
I’ve spent a great deal of time in the fashion world and can’t tell you how many of the so-called hottest women around are tepid, sad or apathetic on the inside. We feel and appear hotter when we pursue our passions. When we do what we love and go after it with gusto, our hotness grows and radiates outward, making us feel and appear more attractive. We can’t diet, stylize, fake or buy our way into that kind of beauty—a great thing, in my opinion. – August McLaughlin
Independence. A woman who can stand on her own two feet AND stand her ground when the situation calls for it makes her Redhot in my mind. Or at least that’s what I tell myself since I tend to have a very outspoken and stubborn personality. 🙂 – Tiffany White
A RedHot woman has confidence in her talent, the courage to take risks, and compassion for others in need. – Jolyse Barnett
Then I asked the guys to way in! Cause wouldn’t every woman want to the ability to read a guy’s take on beauty?!
Redhot sexy is a gleam of clever intelligence in the eyes. It is an aura of self-confidence rippling out from a woman like voluminous silken robes. Physical appearance is but an accessory, accentuating the true Redhot woman’s inner luminescence. – Gene Lempp
There are many traits that make a woman redhot, but none of them have to do with physical beauty. There’s intelligence (smart is sexy!) and self-confidence and a great sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself and never take life too seriously. Practicing joie de vivre each and every day, without even thinking about it! Not surprisingly, these are all traits that my fiancee possesses – and she is the hottest woman I know! – Mark Petruska
To me a Redhot Woman is someone who knows her own mind, embraces her humanity/success and failure, practices compassion, and never ever wants to stop learning. I was reading something recently about the double standard women face when it comes to “natural beauty” e.g. look beautiful but make it look effortless, and it got me to thinking that beauty is really in the eye of the holder. A woman that can answer the question of what makes her beautiful in a meaningful way is as Redhot as it gets. Oh and weird, too. Weird people are great. – Joe Cardillo
In terms of looks, I think the fashion magazines have it wrong. It’s not being stick thin that makes anyone hot, but muscle tone (and I’m not thinking body builders here!). I know plenty of women who aren’t stick thin but are very beautiful because of this. The other thing is confidence. Confidence and the willingness to work at things (get your mind out of the gutter at this point) makes all the difference. –Nigel Blackwell
Thanks everyone for weighing in! What do I think?
I think a woman’s sexiest attribute is her ability to laugh! To laugh with one’s gut, to be ok with laughing at oneself, and to always, always laugh with one’s friends!
How would I sum up what makes a woman REDHOT and beautiful?
Women wish to be loved not because they are pretty, or good, or well bred, or graceful, or intelligent, But because they are themselves.
What are your thoughts? What do you think makes a woman REDHOT? Who’s the most beautiful woman you know?
And be sure to click over to August’s blog on Friday where she’ll have all the Beauty of a Woman blog posts linked up and ready to read!!! Thanks August for hosting this fun blog hop!
Happy Redhots Day!
It’s another month’s edition of The Redhots and Marcia Richards and I are back and bolder than ever!
Ok, you caught us, we’re both crazed madwomen right now!
Let’s face it, the holidays are stressful! Believe me, I work in retail. I’ve put in an insane amount of days and hours for the past month – hence the disappearance of me from the blogosphere. But I’ve missed you all and wrote you a little poem while I was away. So settle into your pajamas, kiddos, Jess is going to read you a story!
The Sale Before ChristmasIt was the sale before Christmas and all through the mall the customers were shopping for gifts big and small! The registers were ringing, the managers running. And somewhere in their temporal lobes – a constant, steady drumming! This coupon! That special! Lines the length of trains! – Had this particular manager wracking her redhot brains! There were gifts to still wrap, Heck presents to buy! Not to mention the store potluck, that dang peppermint pie! There was severe lack of sleep and a small bought with the flu. But Christmas was coming! What’s a girl to do? The dishes began to pile at home, and the laundry was crawling the walls. Is this what Kris Kringle had in mind when he said “Deck the Halls?” At last the day came and went, though short, it was full of cheer. With family members, grace and thanks I can wish you a Happy New Year!
Your turn! This Redhots edition we want to hear YOUR holiday stories! Marcia and I are each posting a picture about the holidays and we’d love to hear your reactions, stories, perhaps poems (who doesn’t love a good limerick or haiku?) all about the holidays! Thanks for sharing and we hope you all had a very happy holiday!
We’re Baaaaack! Marcia Richards and I are serving up another REDHOT edition of:
Today, we’re introducing you to two women from the Twitterverse who we think exemplify what it means to be REDHOT!
Marcia’s guest will show you how to feng shui your home! Don’t miss it! Go say hello!
And my guest, I admit, I actually found through YouTube and then twitter
stalked found her! She’s the owner of the only beauty salon and bookshop, Beauty and the Book, plus the founder and Queen of the WORLD’S largest book club!
Introducing Kathy Patrick
JW: You own the only Beauty Salon and Bookshop in the country. What has it meant to work everyday at the two things you love most? And how did your shop come about?
KP: Everyday I wake up at the crack of dawn as I can’t wait to do what I love to do, make people feel better about themselves, BEAUTY, and talk about great reads, BOOKS, thus my shop is Beauty and the Book. These two are the best marriage ever and for me it makes my life always a celebration of big love! I don’t go to work, I go to play and get paid for it! Do the thing you love and you’ll never work another day in your life but then you will never work harder. Your work will just seem like play, at least it does for me. If I was rich, I would do what I do for free. Unfortunately, I have bills just like everybody else so I have to charge.
My shop, Beauty and the Book, came about because I lost my job as a book publisher’s representative. Due to the influx of large box stores coming in to my four state territory, the independent bookstores that I called on began to close in droves. Since I was the last one hired, I was the first one fired, as my boss put it downsized. So it was my sister who suggested to me to go back to doing hair. That’s how I put myself through college. When I told her I would be bored just doing hair, she said, “Do the book thing too!” Beauty and the Book was born! It’s all in the first chapter of my book, When Life Hands You a Lemon, forget Lemonade, Make Margaritas. My book is called “The Pulpwood Queens’ Tiara Wearing, Book Sharing Guide to Life” and is the first book you are to read when you become an Official Pulpwood Queen Book Club member!
You also lead the world’s LARGEST book club! Tell us about the Pulpwood Queens and Timber Guys passion for literacy and dialogue.
I have always had my nose stuck in a book so when the local book club invited me to come join their book club when I opened my shop, I jumped at the chance. You can imagine my surprise and embarrassment when after blurting out how happy I was to be FINALLY in a book club, the hostess pulled me out into the galley of her plantation home. “I’m sorry, but we didn’t invite you to join our book club but to be a guest.” This is not in my book but I wish I had put it in there as that is exactly why I started The Pulpwood Queens of East Texas Book Club “where tiaras are mandatory and reading good books is the rule!” Our book club would be inclusive not exclusive and anybody could be in our book club. Who makes up those silly rules anyhoo! So six complete strangers joined me and everybody else has been joining us ever since. We aren’t your mama’s book club and our book club is not homework.
We aren’t your mama’s book club!
If it isn’t fun, well, quite frankly Jess, I’m just not doing it! I challenge all my now 550 world wide book clubs to take on a literacy mission. For me it’s The Dolly Parton Imagination Library Project which helps children get reading ready for school. Dolly makes reading fun as each child in my county from birth to kindergarten gets a FREE book to read and enjoy. We want everybody to understand and be on the same page that reading is the best entertainment in the world and the side benefits are if you become a real reader, school just makes more sense. Reading is as important to a child as water, food, shelter and a loving home. Pull a child onto your lap and read to them. Tell me that isn’t the best way to show love to your child.
The Pulpwood Queens, like yourself, are full of extraordinary, confident, intelligent, and talented women! You ladies know how to have fun and live life large. Tell us a secret! (We know you have them!) 😉
The Pulpwood Queens are the largest “meeting and discussing” book club in the world as I crown girls Queen, they lead their own book club their own way. I give them ownership but I do ask, no wait, command as their queen to read the books I select. I am also on a mission to not only make them read, but I select books from oftentimes first time, first book authors. I also love to help those authors whose books change lives like Sam Bracken and Echo Garrett’s book “My Orange Duffel Bag”. Echo sent me the book and I was blown away. Another charity of choice is their not for profit, www.myorangeduffelbag.com as this helps teens make the right choices. It’s quite a story and one that makes the world a better place.
My secret is to make reading fun! So, I told them a story!
With your video chats for Beauty and the Book, you’ve interviewed and come to know many authors in such fantastic ways! You’ve gone vintage clothes shopping with Karen Abbott, you’ve had Lisa See cook dinner for you, and you’ve gone real estate hunting with Fannie Flagg! What author are you still wishing to meet, and what activity would you want to do together?
Today my answer is Dolly Parton as her new book released “Dream More” and she is a literacy promoting hero! And if I could just spend the day with her singing perhaps, I love to sing harmony, alto, and talk to her about an adult literacy idea I have involving music. She is my inspiration, in fact, I wrote all about her in my book too! I’d also love to meet former President Bill Clinton because after reading his books, he’s as big a reader as I am. Or Tom Wolfe, love everything that man writes, perhaps, Barbara Kingsolver. You’ve heard the term, “So many books, too little time”. I feel the same way about authors. I want to meet them all!!!
As a hairdresser, I’m sure you stay up on the latest trends, but you also focus on inner beauty with your clients. Tell us your best beauty advice! And ok, share a guilty pleasure beauty buy too!
My beauty secret is common sense, good skin care and a healthy lifestyle. But if you have to invest in one thing, invest in a smile! The hardest thing for some people to invest in, but a smile will get you more than anything money could buy. I work on zero budget. I have found that being kind, loving people and being gracious when people tell you a flat out no will get you more places than expensive anything. But don’t take no for a final answer, offer something else and if they say no, offer something else. Pretty soon, they will say yes or at least think about your passion! The secret to the fountain of youth is finding your passion. It keeps you alive, vibrant, and ready for anything. I just refuse to give up. I’ll get there eventually or die trying! My guilty pleasure is dreaming beyond your wildest dreams.
If you have to invest in one thing, invest in a smile!
“Life is not made up of atoms, but stories!” by Muriel Rukheyser
So, Hope Springs…where to start? With Meryl Streep trying to sensually massage Tommy Lee Jones’ very wrinkled body? Nope, nope – too early for that imagery! Meryl gettin’ down with her bad self? Eating a banana while reading Sex Tips for a Straight Woman from a Gay Man?
Wait, wait, why are you running away?! I’m not done with my review!
Ok, I fully admit it was my idea to review Hope Springs for the Redhots. Had I known what I was getting myself into, I would have let well enough alone! I swear! There are things people my age aren’t supposed to know! Things we shouldn’t know! Because if we knew them, we might never have sex again, never get married, never have children, and then mosquitos would take over the planet!
I thought it would be a light hearted film about love. The preview made it so inviting!
The first mistake I made was taking my best friend, Cat, with me to see the movie. Cat recently got married this past August. She’s still in honeymoon bliss. Wanting to spend more time with her husband…probably cleaning the house…I assume. I’m not married, I’m not sure what those people do.
What I hope they don’t do, is turn into Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones in the film Hope Springs! Ack, people! I have to develop a new rating system just to efficiently describe this marriage movie monstrosity! We’ll be dissecting the film under the following categories:
- Hope Floats, But Your Sex Don’t Spring
- The Ick Factor
- All I Truly Love are the Costumes
- Was There A Happy Ending, I’m Still in Shock from the Close up of Tommy Lee’s Lips?
Ok, to get started, Hope Floats, But Your Sex Don’t Spring!
The premise for this movie is a couple that goes to intensive counseling after 30+ years of marriage has turned them into roommates rather than life partners. Sleeping in separate beds, Kay and Arnold (Streep and Jones), have lost their lust, I mean love, for one another.
What follows is an all too real picture of what could be the future. Hope Springs had the potential to cover any number of marital concerns and obstacles, but at its heart, it focuses on sex. Meaning Kay and Arnold aren’t having any.
Further discussion of their lack of sex, in fact any physical contact in some time, leads me to:
The Ick Factor
I know this film is probably giving hope to couples all over that it’s not too late to spice up their sex lives, and I’m all for it, I really, truly am! But I just don’t want to see it!
Number one on the Ick Factor list is Tommy Lee Jones’ lips, or lack thereof! His face wrinkles just sort of melt into where his teeth are.
Then there’s the awkward touching. Picture Meryl Streep’s hands pat pat patting Tommy Lee’s upper thighs, then staring at his aroused face. *kech* I just threw up a little.
You don’t want to know what “went down” in the movie theater, but I actually felt pity for Kay after watching that scene!
And this was all made the more awkward because Cat would not stop snickering very audibly next to me in a theater full of older couples and us.
All I Truly Love Are the Costumes
The saving grace of this film was the realistic costuming they gave the characters. Kay works at Coldwater Creek, and she is definitely in floral blouses and matching sets throughout the film. And I liked the subtle detail of having her wear the same necklace, different ways, while she was traveling.
Was There a Happy Ending, I’m Still in Shock from the Close up of Tommy Lee’s Lips?
I don’t think I’m being a terrible spoiler when I tell you that Kay and Arnold get their groove back. Even though I was happy for them, it was, and remains to be, hard to shake the frightening images I was forced to face.
I mean, frozen in my theater chair, so disturbed I couldn’t look away AND I forgot to drink any of the wine I snuck in with my purse! That’s fer realz, y’all!
My newly married friend best summed up the movie as we washed our hands (because we couldn’t put soap in our eyes), that it might be a movie to watch periodically throughout one’s marriage. To use it as a spectrum gage of “are we this couple and if so what the f*ck are we going to do about it?”
In the meantime, if you’re in a happily committed relationship, might I suggest the newest season of Dexter for date night?
Don’t take my word for it! Check out Marcia’s opinion on what it’s really like to be married! Hope her hubby has better lips than Tommy Lee!
Welcome to the First Edition of The Redhots!
Two Redheads. Two Different Opinions.
It’s Marcia Richards and I serving up spice with our opinion on all things HOT and buzzworthy in the world. We’re kicking off our monthly series with the book that’s been flying off the shelves, sneakily read on airplanes and during office lunch hours, the book you won’t tell your mom you’re reading (unless you’re Marcia), the S & M sensation:
Fifty Shades of Grey Trilogy by E.L. James
I started reading this series back in May. I was in the middle of the second one while flying home from the DFW Writers Conference, and I kid you not, the woman sitting next to me on the plane ride over was reading the first book. And on the flight back, the woman sitting next to me was reading the third one. Go figure!
I noticed, that both these women were very discreet trying to read the book on the plane. They had folded the cover over, and leaned into the window. When the flight attendant came around, the woman reading the third book asked for a glass of water, which she proceeded to down! She immediately asked for a second glass.
Now, I’m normally the quintessential poster girl for “Wisconsin Nice,” but I couldn’t help myself. The following is a paraphrase of the conversation we had. J is for me obviously, and P is for Passenger.
J: Are you getting steamy over there?
P: *busted laughing* I know, I tried to be so secret about it, but you caught me!
J: Well, you can have as much water as you want, but if I see that chair of yours tip back, I’m asking the flight attendant for a new seat!
P: *further laughing*
Now, let me give you some background on the very opposing forces in which I was raised. A part of me, will always be shocked that people actually talk about such things out loud. Nine years in Catholic school will do that to a person. Our religious books had titles like Heavy Petting is a No No. Once, after an honest conversation with my father wherein he admitted to having tried cigarettes, I tried the approach with my mother, asking her if she’d had sex before marriage. We were in the car, and I’ve never seen such a horrified look cross anyone’s face, “Jessica! How dare you ask me that question!” She didn’t need to answer for me to know the truth there.
Around mid high school, I became introduced to the French-Cuban writer, Anais Nin. Nin was known for her collection of diaries that spanned 60 some years over the course of the French Bohemian movement. She also penned erotica; started writing it for a dollar a page. Not bad! At the height of her literary career, posters announcing Nin’s readings had to use symbols rather than her name as code so the police wouldn’t turn up. I now have one of these symbols as a tattoo.
If someone would’ve told me that in 2012 the book of the year would be an S & M, sexy pain/toy book, I probably would’ve said Awesome!
Having now read the whole series, I’d rather spend my money in the following two ways: A donation to the local women’s shelter and a new vibrator for me.
Let’s get this over with shall we!
I was fully aware that the series began as a form of Twilight fan-fiction. As you read along, you can practically cut and paste the characters from one to the other. Edward/Christian is a domineering man who is apparently so hot women cannot function through their days without staring at him. Bella/Ana is a naive, socially-awkward girl whose only true talents are falling down and twirling her hair. Jacob/Jose is the only ethnic character and in true form, vanishes from the story all together towards the end.
Let’s see then we have Alice/Mia, the quirky sister who tries to run everyone’s lives. Emmett/Elliot, oooh no subtlety there. The bossy, valedictorian friend Jessica/Kate who will, just like in the movies, be your friend, not be your friend, be your friend – but only after she starts dating your boyfriend’s brother.
Ok, we’re on to the male lead’s parents: financially well off, intrinsically good at everything, and yet still kind Carlisle and Esme/Carrick and Grace. And yes, the female lead’s parents are divorced, with mom remarried and Bella/Ana lives with dear old dad Renee and Charlie/Carla and Ray. What’d the author do, just flip-flop those around? Ruh-nay…Ray!
What is supposed to keep us readers entertained is the eminent danger that Christian and Ana find themselves in when they are haunted by both Christian’s psycho Mrs. Robinson-like ex and Ana’s sleezy boss. However, if I were to choose the real danger in the book, I’d say Christian Grey.
Here’s my rant, readers. I get that is a work of fiction, fan-fiction! By its very definition it is taking elements, or complete storylines, and having fun with them because you enjoyed those characters so much you don’t want them to leave your side! Except that in this case, Christian Grey isn’t a slightly overbearing vampire who only ever shows caring towards his girlfriend in a puppy love-albeit blood-drinking way. In this case, Christian Grey is an abusive man.
At the end of the first book, if Ana was my friend, I would be telling her to RUN and RUN like hell from this guy! And my biggest fear is that women are reading this book and thinking, yah, this is ok, this is sexy! Are they fooling themselves into thinking they can change a guy who is QUOTE: “fifty shades of f*cked up”?
But Jess girl, give the readers some credit! They know it’s just a story!
Are the sex scenes steamy? Yes. Did the book turn me on? At times. But mostly, I wanted to pack a bag for Ana and stay up late watching Girl, Interrupted. I wanted to lend her my copy of The Vagina Monologues. No, what I really wanted to do was to help Ana grow a freaking spine! The subplot of “Ana wants to be an editor” is weak at best. And nothing she accomplishes at work (the only other world we see her in besides the one with Christian) is in merit with what she’s practiced and proved. She’s given everything because her boyfriend owns the company.
And why does he love her? Mr. Fifty Pages of the same adjectives grey eyes with the hot body and million dollar company? Yah, who wouldn’t be obsessed with a mousy-haired, anxious mess that falls through your office door and asks if you’re gay? I know I’m aroused just thinking about it…
And let’s talk plausibility for a moment. If my previous arguments didn’t pull you to my dark side, maybe this plot fail point out will. Several scenes of conflict include multiple break-ins of Christian’s apartment by both a psychologically disturbed ex and Ana’s creepster boss. AND YET, it’s mentioned throughout the WHOLE series that Christian is paying extensive money for one on one security of his whole family! What, did you hire a whole slew of Elmer Fudd’s to protect you? “You wascally-wabbit! You ewuded me again!” Why not invest in ADT? It’s probably more money efficient and they have proven results!
The entire time I was reading this book, I kept wondering when Christian Grey was going to turn into a vampire! At least then I could better separate reality from fiction! But no, he’s just a blood-sucking ass of a guy metaphorically.
Can we please talk about the ending for just a minute? It’s cool, I’ll follow suit with the author and wrap it up in three paragraphs or less because I’m
bored a great writer!
If you’re worried about spoilers, don’t! Once again, if you’ve seen Twilight, you already know where this is going. Only, it’s like the author didn’t have the decency to really show us how the characters changed, so she just stuffed it all in a diaper bag/epilogue.
I’m so happy to be done reading this series, and I couldn’t wait to tell you not to! You may not believe me after the reaping I just put E.L. through, but I am proud of her for finding a market that made her more popular than Harry Potter! I say kudos for getting the erotic genre more fame in mass media. I hope she keeps writing. But I also hope she doesn’t expect me to read it.
Don’t take my word for it! Read between the lines with Marcia Richards! The woman who told me that Christian Grey was “following her around the house for days!”
I told you he was a stalker!
Catch more of the Redhots next month when we review the film Hope Springs.