Tag Archives: adulthood

9 Things That Make Me Anxious (And 3 Things That Are Fun)

Ugh, adulting can be so exhausting. Do any of you ever wish you could flashback for, like, just a day to sometime in high school when you didn’t have as much responsibiity?

(If you hated high school, pick a weekend instead of a school day, that’s fine with me – this is a no judgment time travel zone.)

I mean, go back to a time where you didn’t have to worry about, or really even know the meaning of words like: insurance, utilities, deductible, probiotics, fiber, and retinol creams. 

Being an adult carries a lot of duty, people depend on you, which in turn can cause a lot of stress. But then there are also the little things?

Please tell me I’m not alone here. 

9 Things That Make Me Anxious

don't panic, silhouette man running away

1. Public Toilet Seats That are a Askew

How do I know whether it’s going to stay put or slide around like a saucer on a snowbank?

2. Merging into Traffic More than Once

You know those roads where you first have to merge onto a road built for merging onto the road you actually want to be on, so you are in fact merging twice to get where you want to go, and everyone is driving like an extra in Fast and Furious 93?

3. Opening Presents in Front of People

There’s too much pressure to make meaningful and unique comments over each gift. I’d rather open it privately and write you a beautiful thank you note.

4. Epic Stare Downs With Animals While Driving

I’m talking to you, squirrels. What is all this scampering into the road, then back to the sidewalk, then out into the road and freezing when my car comes upon you? I’m just on my way to the mall. I don’t want to play Russian Roulette with you! And I am not slowing down my vehicle. Cross or don’t cross, decide!

5. That Weird Science Myth About How We’re Never More Than Three Feet Away From a Spider

I know it’s a myth, but I also know they’re out there. And they’re plotting against us.

6. That Weird Science Fact About the Large Quantity of Insects We Eat in our Food, Namely Chocolate

I try to forget this every day.

7. Paintings That Look at You No Matter Where You Stand

Just cut it out, ok?!

8. Clowns. 

Oh yah, sure, be right there… Nope. 

9. Anytime I Have to Reach for a Dish on the Top Shelf

I’m convinced I will likely break 4 others on the way down.

Am I weird? Do you think about this stuff too? 

*****

Let’s move on to better topics.

Here are 3 Things That Are Fun

1. This post about Halloween costume advice.

I wrote this back in 2011, but it’s still full of great tips (and photos) to help you get creative this Halloween!

2. My improv show is this week!!!

I can’t wait to tell Improvised Tales of Terror to you! Check out the radio ad I got to do voiceover work on. 🙂 Local friends, please come to the show!

3. October’s #ScreamingScreening is in full swing!

While not as big, or serendipitous as #Keanuthon, we’re still having movie nights every wednesday, and October is all about the scary movies! Join in, and if you like, tweet at me (@jesswitkins) and hashtag it #ScreamingScreening. What scary movies are you watching this season?

#ScreamingScreening

*****

What’s everyone else up to this week? 

#WhatIf: A Strange List of Jobs I Almost Had

What if, in an alternate life, I was just like James Bond???

What if, in an alternate life, I was just like James Bond???

Do you ever look back on your life and consider the alternate routes it could have taken? What would have happened if you’d said yes instead of no to a question?

Maybe I’d be living in a different city, maybe I’d have lost or gained significant friendships, maybe I’d be driving a luxury car, and by luxury I mean one that came with cruise control…

I’m a storyteller and writer at heart. I often reflect on the choices one makes and the ‘what if’s’ had the choice been different. After all, that’s really just plot we’re talking about. How will the world around you change by choosing x instead of y?

My day job is in the process of transition and it got me thinking about the many different transitions my career has had to date. If I ignore actual position titles, and go by the tasks I completed day to day, then I have worked in the following fields:

  • professional alphabetizer
  • storage room cleaner
  • napkin folder
  • duster of knick knacks
  • pizza maker and garbage taker-outer
  • gift wrapper
  • sales auditor
  • bra fitter
  • coach and counselor for commission sales team (AKA: the shark pit)
  • latte maker
  • social media guru
  • sex trivia host

And that got me thinking to what I could’ve done in my career had a few application processes gone different. Imagine it, somewhere in an alternate universe, I am known as Jess Witkins:

  • district level lingerie manager
  • Catholic school secretary
  • organic farm office manager
  • grocery store deli worker
  • hotel night manager
  • bank teller
  • or if my father had his way, cake decorator  – which could work if y’all are in the mood for an “abstract” trend in the bakery business. God, remember that time I attempted to bake a tart??!

I can’t say I regret any of these “lost” positions. But I found it most entertaining to consider what life would have been like had I…worked in close proximity with nuns or spent eight hours shaving a honeyed ham.

Life would be very different. I might even pick one of these faux jobs and use it as a writing prompt just for giggles.

What about you? What alternate life would you lead had a past job application worked out?
Do we share a pension for habits and ham? 😉

%d bloggers like this: