Tag Archives: life lessons

A Positive Message For Millenials: Life is Messy. But I Believe in You.

There’s been a surge of posts against millenials. If your social media feed looking anything like mine, you saw this woman dissing millenials shared by multiple people. It’s fine. We’re used to it. Heck, we’ve been the butt of people’s jokes or blamed for all the world’s problems since the early 2000’s. We’re entitled, yet we’re broke. We’re budding entrepreneurs, yet we have no work ethic. We are paving the way of technology, yet we don’t know how to cope without our phones. We are the future, but we’re terrible people.

And you wonder why our generation has such high anxiety. 

merida

Well, I have something to say about that.

GET OFF OUR BACKS!!

I am a part of the generation defined as millenial. And you know what, I work damn hard. Since college I have worked anywhere from 1-3 jobs at a time so that I could pay all my own bills. And I know a lot of other millenials who are busting ass too. Sure there are some that give our generation a bad rap. But I’ve also met, even managed, my share of busy-body boomers and let me just say, you’re not a peach to be around all the time either. 

So to my fellow millenials who are trying to pave their own path in a pessimistic world, let me share with you what I’ve learned coming down the pike so that you can know in your very gut that you are seen, you are worth listening to, and you will survive all the crap people say about you on the internet. And most importantly, I believe in you.

i got you

Truth: Life is messy.

No matter how old you are, that’s a fact. We’re led to believe that as we age, we get wiser. We expect that things won’t be as difficult to figure out in adulthood– that we’ll be more confident in our abilities, that we’ll learn to love our bodies and wish we hadn’t shamed them so much when we were young. And while all that is true, we absolutely gain perspective and experience, life can still be just as confusing as it was before.

Life is messy, even as an adult.

robert downey jr

We all deal with setbacks in our lives. Didn’t get in the program you wanted to, didn’t win the contest, didn’t get the job, didn’t get the boy/girl. We don’t know when these hardships will hit us. We don’t know how we’ll respond. We just have to do our best and hope we come out stronger.

When we are in the midst of a dilemma, it feels all consuming. We lose sleep worrying about the what if’s, we stress eat all the chocolate in the house. But once we’re past the unknowing stage of things, it turns into the Lord Voldemort of life lines – “that period that shall not be named.”

I, like so many millenials, believed that by the time I turned 30, I’d “have it all figured out.” That is just not the case.

But what I have learned is that’s completely ok. 

So don’t let the negative things they say about our generation dictate your life. You are the main character in your own story.

harry potter

Remember You Can Always Start Over

start again

One of the most positive things to come out of the millenial generation is our abundant optimism. My parents’ generation was hard set in the belief that you worked for one place until retirement and that was that. For millenials, that’s just not the case. We are the generation that exemplifies multiple careers and life experience. We change our jobs, we take time off to travel and we work from home as needed. We are paving a new kind of entrepreneurship and that’s fucking exciting.

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

mean girls

That expectation to “have it all figured out” is the greatest barrier to actually doing so. Who cares if the girl next to you makes life look easier? You never know what others are dealing with when they leave the office. You never know what the story of a relationship is except the one you’re in. So don’t spend your time imagining impossible scenarios around you that make you feel less than. Be hardcore. Be your best self.

Never Stop Learning

hands

Think about your favorite teachers and mentors you had in school. What made them inspiring, trustworthy and encouraging? I bet one of their skillsets was listening to you and treating you as someone with valuable ideas and talents. Reflect that back into the world. Never stop learning from those around you, whether it’s an older coworker who’s been in the business longer or your five your old niece who colors outside the lines. Being open to the things others can teach you, will help you be a better listener, learner, and teacher too.

Live in the Moment

fred

It’s far too easy to beat yourself up over age timelines. You know you’ve made them. “By the time I’m 30, I will…” It’s great to set goals, you should do that. But don’t forget to live in the moment. Your goals need to be realistic and manageable. Wanting to be a famous singer by the time you’re 25 isn’t going to happen if you’re going to school, practicing intermittently, and too scared to sing on stage. You’ve got to do the work now that will pay off later. The good part? That means making mistakes. Yes, make them! Try new things, push yourself, and learn to strengthen your skills. 

Take Stock of Your Successes

katy perry

I don’t know about you, but I’m terrible at accepting compliments on my work. I want them, sure, but I’m also my own worst critic and quick to downgrade the successes I’ve had. One of the best things I ever did when I first started blogging was to write down three things I had learned or accomplished each day. It was too easy to focus on what others were achieving and pressuring myself that I wasn’t good enough. By recording my learning moments and accomplishments along the way, I changed my focus to how much I was growing and that I was headed in the right direction, even if I wasn’t getting there as fast as I wanted to. I was still making progress, still moving forward. Don’t be your worst critic, be your best advocate.

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Life is and always will be messy.

The good news is we have the power to shape our perspective on it. We don’t get to choose when setbacks come or how they’ll hit us. We don’t get to choose what society says about our generation. But we have a choice in how we respond. And with any luck, and a lot of time, all the junk we go through will just be “that period that shall not be named” and we will be bigger badasses for it.

Hey Millenials! You’re awesome! 

awesome

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Thirtying Like a Boss: Some Facts About Turning 30

FullSizeRenderI’m officially 30 years old.

I was the last grandchild born on both sides of my family, always the baby wherever we went. I must say, turning 30 feels surreal.

If I’m 30…are they all….DEAD?!!!

I’m at this weird juxtaposition where I was an adult, but not really because who’s that much of an adult as a twentysomething, but now I’m really, really an adult. Because I’m 30. I’m 30.

One would hope that with each birthday you get a little bit wiser. So today I bring you…

Some Facts About Turning 30

1. You will have mixed feelings about this. 

With societal pressures being what they are, especially if you’re a woman, turning 30 feels momentous. Because when you tell all your twentysomething friends that you’re turning 30 they see 30 as something lightyears away which causes them to respond by saying things like “Seriously? You don’t LOOK that old?” and “Oh, you’re NOT going to go out to celebrate?” And that leads me to the following internal monologue:

  • I’m sorry, you must have misheard me. I’m turning 30, not 300. There’s no reason to buy dentures and Bengay just yet. And furthermore, just because I’d prefer to stay in and celebrate with close friends rather than pub crawl my way through the occasion and wake up in last night’s mascara does not make me alien, it makes me 30. I already have dark circles under my eyes and I’m not trying to define them. 

Then when I tell my thirtysomething friends I’m turning 30 they all get this reassuring look in their eyes like they’re mentally patting my hand and inviting me to join a cult that takes ups crafts like scrapbooking and knitting. They say things like “Don’t sweat it! Your 30’s are your best years!” and “You’ll be more confident in your 30’s, enjoy it!” I think:

  • Yes, I’ve been looking forward to this growth stage. I will be a more indestructible me. I will takeover the world. … But then I remember I still don’t know how to cook anything besides baked chicken, and how the last time I tried knitting I gave myself carpel tunnel. So how will I enjoy the greatest years of my life when I still feel like such an impostor? 

2. Phrases like “enjoy it while you can” and “you’re face is going to freeze like that” take on new meanings.

I’d say somewhere between 28 and 29, eating whatever I wanted and not gaining a pound went away. Now I have a license to conceal and carry…my muffin top. As the youngest of four, I have fond memories of sibling scrabbles and epic battles of making grotesque faces at one another. Plenty of adults warned us to knock it off or else our “face was going to freeze like that.” I somewhat regret making this face so much.

Let's not talk about what's happening here.

Let’s not talk about what’s happening here.

3. You won’t have it all figured out yet, but you’re better at it. 

Your 20’s involve getting a leg up. You’ll do crap jobs to work your way up a ladder you’re not sure you want to climb, but that’s ok. Say YES! It helps you figure out what it is you DO want to do. My 20’s is when I figured out I did NOT want to do sales, but also where I learned I’m good at talking to people, being a leader, and that I wanted to get back into writing.

4. Remember all the cool girls who guided you along your way. Now you get to BE one. 

I wouldn’t be who I am today without the love and support of some amazing girlfriends. Mentors along the way who let me be me. And there are a few older ones whose wise words and attention particularly meant something. I had coworkers who gave advice and let me vent when I just needed to get my frustration out. I have professors who’ve become friends and asked for my help or had me talk with their classes. And I’ve got four older sisters who all treat me with respect and love. Now, I love love love giving that back. I love being a mentor to the college students that I meet at work and help pump up their confidence to try new things and make messes and seek opportunities. I don’t mind that when I attend conferences, I’m often sharing advice or experience instead of always getting it. I remember what it was like, and now I get to be the one that helps. That’s a great feeling.

5. You’ve lived three decades on this earth! 

In case you didn’t major in math*, I’ll add it up for you, you’ve lived three whole decades on this earth!

*I didn’t major in math, so I asked a friend. Yes, it is in fact three decades. 

You officially have experience with things. You are now old enough to make references to pop culture that young people won’t understand!

What do you mean you’ve never heard of Popples?!!

And you have friends who’ve known you half your life or more!

girlfriends-nbc-best-friends-forever-bff-ecards-someecards

Basically, 30’s not so bad. So don’t sweat it.
I plan to rock 30 like a boss. 

Cheers, everyone! 

3 Lessons Learned From 3 Years of Blogging

Last month was my blog anniversary. I started blogging 3 years ago on a dare. I had just finished reading Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project. I was talking about it with my boyfriend and how I wanted to start writing again when he dared me to…

“Start a blog.”

I can do that!

So I did.

Here’s what I’ve learned over the years.

1. The Blogosphere Rocks and Comments are Verbal Gold

I am forever grateful to those first few people who started commenting on my blog, and even more so to the ones still around today. I’ve been given amazing opportunity to connect with other bloggers/writers on various projects and it’s always rewarding. Groups like the WANAs, ROW80, and the Life List Club have all helped me push forward with not just my writing goals, but personal goals as well.

Hanging with the WANAs at DFWcon

Hanging with the WANAs at DFWcon

When I made the difficult decision to quit my job, without a back up plan, my blog friends supported me and some even contacted me with potential job leads. They didn’t have to do that, and that’s why it meant the world. When I’ve shared vulnerable posts about writing slumps, not going back to school, and heck – shitting my pants! – you’ve stuck by me and your comments keep me going. Thank you!

2. Trust Your Gut

My blog has transformed many times over the years. And so has my writing. The first book I started, and consequently restarted and rewrote 10+ times, was a paranormal YA!

Noooo, there were not vampires in it. (Although, I think it would be fine if there were!)

I always wanted to write a comical memoir, but I let people or situations get in the way. When I made it a priority to “tell my story” I had the first draft written in 4 months time. I’ve never been as far in the writing process or felt like I was on the right track as I do now.

Life of a Writer

3. Change is inevitable.

Similar to the previous lesson, change is inevitable. If I stopped moving forward just because I worried about how a topic or change on my blog would go over, I probably wouldn’t be celebrating a blog anniversary right now. Allowing my blog to grow with me as I learn and reflect, benefits not just me, but my readers as well.

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Thank you everyone for reading!

And for joining me on my journey to make pathetic look cool. 😀

What’s a life lesson that’s been on your mind lately?

Tune in Monday to join me and my guest, Amber West, discussing cats vs. dogs, parenting advice, what to watch on television, and her thriller with a twist – The Ruth Valley Missing!

Guilty Pleasures Mash Up: Read ‘Em, Fools!

Time for a little Weekend Madness – Mash Up Style!  Feast yourselves on these ballers of blogging!

Writing – Because it’s easier to write about writing than to actually just write.  Or is that just me?

Avoid every writer’s nightmare with tips from Jody Hedlund in Why I Don’t Get Writer’s Block and How You Can Avoid It Too.

Looking for some inspiration?  Jenny Hansen shared What Lights Your Creative Spirit on Fire? with advice from Sue Monk Kidd (The Secret Life of Bees author) and Forbes magazine about what creative people need to be successful.

Ever read a book where the dialogue or words take you right out of the story?  Susie Lindau rants her best in Do You Curse Brightly? – a blog that examines the usefulness and purpose of swear words in our books.

Tawna Fenske wrote possibly the funniest blog evah about making believable characters and relating it to a guy making spinach.  YOU HAVE TO READ The Domineering Male with Spinach and Dish Soap.

Interested in learning more about audiobooks?  Stacy Juba interviews Award-winning voice artist, Nicole Poole, for The Ins and Outs of Narrating Audiobooks.

Exciting news!!!  Ellie Ann has released the cover of her new book, The Silver Sickle and she’s sharing it with us!  Check it out in The Revealing.

Ode To Social Media Tips:

Lisa Hall-Wilson guest blogged at Jenny Hansen’s with Facebook Tricks for Better Engagement and My. Mind. Was. Blown.  I really hadn’t been watching any of this, but she gave us a cool easy challenge to consider how we’re sharing links on Facebook and what exactly we want those links to do!  Must read for those building an author platform!

And if Twitter is your thing, Marcy Kennedy guest blogged at Kristen Lamb’s with The Proper Care and Feeding of Hashtags.  Don’t get thrown in Twitter jail!  Read Marcy’s tips!

Nina Badzin posted on Kveller.com the amazing plea Let’s All Stop “Replying All” to Every Email.  Sing it, Sister!

Life Lessons – Growing pains mean wisdom gains!

Do you struggle with the “meantime”?  That time of working out of/working towards something?  Kristen Lamb shared a life lesson she learned that hit home with many of you in To Find Success, Learn to Embrace the Meantime.  Another Must Read.

If you’re not reading August McLaughlin’s blog, you’re MISSING OUT!  She’s one of the most honest, genuine, supportive female writers out there!  True to form, August shared another heart-baring blog in Singing Naked: Honesty on Stage, about growing through vulnerable moments.  Beautiful voice – inside and out!

I bet no one has ever told you THINK NEGATIVE before!  Rachelle Gardner shares the smarts about goal achieving in Try “Thinking Negative” for a Change.

Entertainment and Smut – The stuff you won’t tell your boss you like, but secretly gossip with the secretary over…

Tiffany A. White gives the master rundown of Season 4 of The Vampire Diaries and its soon to be spin off, The Originals, from the CW network.  Death and Evolution with The Vampire Diaries and The Originals

Remember the books you read as a kid and picked out what character was you?  Sherry Isaac brings us Tribute to Trixie with Author Gloria Richard, sharing her love of the Trixie Belden books.

Got a favorite James Bond? What about the original?  Piper Bayard and Jay Holmes share The Original James Bond – Ian Fleming.  Fascinating guy!

The Funnies – Read these for your weekend funny bone!

Ironic Mom, the Comic Queen, shared You Know You’re An Optimist if You

Miss Snarky Pants is sharing her best “Fictionary” – a play on words, often pun-like, to make new meanings and she’s got some good ones in Fictionary:  Preventing the Extinction of my Muffin Top.

Julie Glover had me snickering over her Wednesday Words series in Laugh With Me: It’s Punny!  Go pick your favorite pun!

Myndi Shafer shared in her Quick Giggle series Celebrities Read Mean Tweets.  Should this one go under Social Media tips?

(photo courtesy Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)

Happy Reading!

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