Tag Archives: men

The Hooch That Stole Christmas

I came across this article on Jezebel.com and it really struck home with me. As you’re Christmas shopping this year, consider what you’re buying for kids.

It bothers me that so many dolls today look hoochie. Barbie’s face has permanent makeup on it, every car/house/piece of furniture is bubblegum pink and probably smells like estrogen infused cotton candy. And Polly Pocket has had some serious work done.

This is Polly when I played with her, circa 1990.

Polly Pocket – the Original

She’s a cute little plastic doll no bigger than a thimble. SHE ACTUALLY FIT IN YOUR POCKET!

She basically folds in half to sit, or stands in one of three possible pegs in her clamshell case home.

I loved her.

This is the Polly my niece plays with.

Polly Pocket – Disco Hooch Millenial Edition

Do her ginormous eyes freak anyone else out?

The better to SEE you with, my dear!

I just don’t want my 4 year old niece to think that crop tops and booty shorts are the solution to feeling beautiful, or valued, or loved.

I have no beef with grown, adult women who choose to wear those things. It’s their choice. But like the Jezebel article pointed out, why are we selling them to toys marketed for ages 4-7?

Don’t even get me started on the Bratz dolls!

I’m afraid if I stare at them too long, one of them will chant some voodoo hex and I’ll be forced to reapply my lipgloss every 15 minutes.

If you want a real laugh, you should totally check out Celia Rivenbark’s book, Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny With a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits, in which she has a chapter made up entirely of an imaginary conversation between her daughter’s Bratz dolls and her American Girl Doll.

My favorite part is when the Bratz give Kirsten, the pioneer prairie girl, advice on how to make her bonnet more fashionable.

Literary gold.

Last January I went home for my niece’s birthday and she pulled out all her Barbies for us to play with. I picked one of the dolls up and made some snarky comment when my sister informed me, “Oh yah, and that’s TEACHER Barbie.”

I couldn’t help myself.

Teacher Barbie

The left side is the dress my Teacher Barbie wore, again circa early 90’s, and the right is what she’s wearing now. My Teacher Barbie dress could eat that Teacher Barbie dress like it was a double fudge chocolate cake on the first night of her period. And she’d have seconds, baby!

Why is it sooo…tiny?…short?…suction-cupped to her already ridiculous body type standards?

I’ve heard you should dress to impress. Perhaps that’s what Smokey the Bear is doing.

What do I do when I’m not preventing forest fires? I work out. A lot.

I mean, c’mon! Smokey can’t just be a bear anymore? He’s got to be a bear with biceps and pectorals? I am of the opinion that bears, in general, are considered quite authoritative and strong already. I do not need to see the curvature of a bear’s bicep to know I am in the wrong place at the wrong time in the wilderness.

Furthermore, if I dressed like Polly Pocket, the pure weight of my oversize head would no doubt cause me to lose balance and trip over my disco glitter heels. I am now bicep bear’s lunch.

Where do we draw the line? Because I would like to step back for a minute. Are toy merchants going to start advertising Anorexic Abby into the Bratz collection? Maybe Kirsten, that American Girl doll with the bonnet and shawl, can teach Abby what inner beauty looks like…and for that matter, mayonnaise – it’s great on a turkey sub! Get a footlong! Go wild!

When did the beauty of animals become not enough? When did we decide that animals needed to also look like us? Or at least some absurd social standard of us? What’s next? Maybe the bird on all the Dove brand bars of soap can grow breasts! Oooh, or those California cow commercials can start talking about their period all the time! I would like that!

Happy cows wear Kotex.

What do you think? Has the Hooch stolen Christmas?

*****

On a brighter note, Congratulations to Nina Badzin! She’s the lucky winner of Amber’s book, The Ruth Valley Missing, and a cd playlist to go along!

See CJ West. See Jillian Dodd. See Jillian Play With CJ’s Abs.

(image courtesy wikimedia.org)

It’s Guilty Pleasure Friday again and what’s more pleasurable than hounding down and objectifying author CJ West?

CJ is a suspense author.  A hardcore one.  I mean, the URL for his blog is CJWestKills.  See?  Hardcore!

As equally hardcore as CJ is Jillian Dodd.  Jillian fights crime with fireworks because she blogs and writes about LOVE!  Recently, the two authors happened to hobnob with other writerly folks, and Jillian asked if CJ wouldn’t mind being featured on her blog Glitter, Bliss, and Perfect Chaos for one of her epic MANday posts!

Prepare yourself, Readers, for the most provincial contest our our time!

How can you say no to that??!

So what is MANday might you ask?  It’s really better if I SHOW you.  Feast your eyes on Samoan Rugby Players and Their Tattoos or if you prefer more clean cut, try MANday’s Magic Mike, a blog all about the upcoming movie premier for a story about male erotic dancers!

Where did you all go?  Get BACK here!  And put your pants back on!

So here’s what you need to know about the contest:

If we can get 5,000 people to comment on CJ’s website before the end of June, he agreed to be featured in MANday!

If you help us, YOU will be eligible to win a prize package of ebooks by both CJ West and Jillian Dodd, as well as some other excellent writer’s books. You can enter to win that package by doing this:

Tweet this:  Help @jilliandodd convince @cjwest to be on MANday http://wp.me/p1zk5w-A7 #teamnoshirt #contest #prize #kindle #books

If we reach the goal, CJ and Jillian will also award a $500 Amazon Gift card to one lucky winner!!!

To enter, go to CJ’s blog and leave a comment.

List of e-books in prize package:

That Boy  by Jillian Dodd
That Wedding by Jillian Dodd
The End of Marking Time by CJ West
Sin And Vengeance by CJ West
Drawing Free by Elena Aitken
Devil Unknown a novella by Steena Holmes
Elemental Magic by Angela Wallace
Again by Diana Murdock
Telesa by Lani Wendt Young
Exiled by MR Merrick
The Bridge Club by Patricia Sands
 
Doesn’t this contest sound amazing?  I’m so excited!  Be sure to leave your comment for CJ before July 1st!
 
And guess what?  It’s a double dose of me today cause I’m also blogging over at the Life List Club’s new blogsite!  Haven’t checked it out yet?  Get on over there!  I’m talking about your 20’s!  You know, the supposedly defining decade of our lives?!  I’d love to hear your thoughts and introduce you to some of my favorite peeps.  You can also find us mixing martinis or coming up with costume party ideas at #LifeListClub.  See you all there!

Guilty Pleasures: Top 5 Cinematic Men

It’s Guilty Pleasure Friday and today it’s raining men!  Men in your favorite movies.

It all started with date night.  With my girlfriends.  There was wine involved, tomatoes and mozzarella, and lots of good conversation, and we started talking about our top 5 cinematic men.  Who would you love to date if age, time, and character roles weren’t an issue?  Leave your top 5 list in the comments!

Here’s my list of all-time cinematic hunks:

     Gabriel Byrne – I love his accent.  His voice makes me instantly calm and fluttery all at once.  Ever since I watched Little Women where he plays Dr. Bhaer, I loved him and wanted him to take me to the opera and make me a better writer just like he did for Jo March.  But he is equally as dreamy in roles like Jindabyne, Emotional Arithmetic, and even Stigmata.  I pretty much will listen to his voice no matter what role he’s in.  And, bonus, he studied archaeology and linguistics in college in Dublin.  He was an archaeologist, a cook, a bull-fighter, and a teacher before he became an actor.  Don’t you want to curl up on the couch and have him tell you stories about his adventures with that accent of his?

     Jonathan Crombie – I think I have a year’s worth of diary entries where I pretended Gilbert Blythe (Jonathan Crombie) was my actual boyfriend.  Jonathan’s portrayal of Gilbert in Anne of Green Gables, was just the sort of thing you hoped would happen to you in high school.  He was the smart, but cocky boy, too charming for his own good, and you were the new girl in town, giving him a run for his money in the brain’s department.  He would push and annoy, but despite it all, he’d be there for you when you needed him and he’d make you a better writer.  Hmm, I’m seeing a theme here, but don’t worry, not all my hunky men are characters who’ve played opposite a writer.  But look at that smile of his, wouldn’t he light up your day if you were playing the Lady of Shalott and became stranded in the river as your dory slowly sank?  *sigh*  My hero!

     Harrison FordHello, handsome!  My mother once gave me an article from her Lady’s Home Journal that let you take a quiz to find your ideal cinematic man.  Mine was Harrison Ford, defined as the smart woman’s perfect man.  He’s strong, resourceful, slightly flawed in a charming way, and knows how to use a whip.  (Did I say that out loud?)  His character roles as Indiana Jones and Han Solo embody both my longing for adventure and protection.  And with that damn crooked smile of his, he’ll chide you just enough to make you hate him, and then he’ll go in and kiss you like you haven’t yet lived!  Plus, let’s face it, ladies, he has a theme song.  Dun dun dun duh, dun du duh, dun dun dun duh, dun du du du du…

 

 

     Richard Chamberlain – Every lady’s gotta have herself at least one forbidden man, andmine would be Richard Chamberlain.  His role as Father Ralph di Bricassart in The Thorn Birds soared him to the top of the leading man charts.  I watched this TV miniseries every year with my mother and clearly suffered delusional daydreams about a man who battled between his love for God and his love for one woman.  The ladies at my family’s church used to call our local priest “Father What-A-Waste,” so can you really blame me?  I read this book the summer before high school and it’s still the only novel I’ve thrown across the room in anger, but that was at Luke O’Neil, not blessed Father Ralph.  He’s the unattainable man, the man who knows he loves you, and yet won’t stay with you, but will spend the rest of both your lives doubting he made the right choice.

And my ultimate Cinematic Man pick of all time goes to:

    Cary Grant – Every film I’ve ever seen starring Cary Grant has been a favorite.  The first movie I ever cried watching was An Affair to Remember.  My favorite Hitchcock film is North by Northwest.  And of course, my leading man has played a writer who tries to out-story his love-interest/fellow writer in His Girl Friday.  Grant is my ideal man.  He’s captured the hearts of Audrey Hepburn, Katherine Hepburn, Grace Kelly, Doris Day, Joan Fontaine, Ingrid Bergman, Eva Marie Saint, Rosalind Russell, and even Shirley Temple!  How was I to resist his allure, his quick-witted one-liners, and his inability to tell a woman no?  He has at least 50 different tones of voice using the word “Darling,” and I only hope I fall asleep tonight hearing every single one of them.

The guilty pleasures don’t stop here.  Join the fun over at Mark Petruska’s blog for his Top 5 Cinematic Women.  We love hearing from you; tell us what Hollywood stars and starlets would be on your guilty pleasure list?  

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