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The Redhots: So Hot, So Not Review of 2012

SAMSUNGHappy New Year Everyone!  With each new year comes hope and beginnings, but it’s always fun to look back at the past year to remember it’s highs and lows.

Well, today The Redhots are saving you the trouble!  We’re here to report what we think was SO HOT and also what was SO NOT
for the year 2012.

The Redhots – SO HOT!

  • Using Social Media To Tell You Who You Are!  No point in years of journaling and asking yourself those hard life questions, “Who am I?”  Now there’s an app for that!  It’s called Social Me and you can use it too!  Jenny Hansen first introduced it to me, and you can check it out by clicking here!  What it does is analyze your Facebook account, for as long as you’ve had it, and compile that info to tell you about what your profile is telling everyone else!


Here’s a synopsis of what Social Me said about me:  Jess uses more words per sentence and yet fewer periods than 94% of people.  Jess is also more optimistic and uses longer words than 99% of people.  Jess is extremely humorous, but not educational, not even a little bit.  Most of her friends are between the ages of 24-59, and they like when Jess posts about South Korea, fairy tales, and LL Cool J.

Without Social Me, I would’ve never known that I’m guilty of writing extremely long run-on sentences with very little punctuation, if any, because I must have the lung span of an elephant and an elephant never forgets…to listen to LL Cool J.  

I also learned that 99% of you must be very sad and have no way of articulating it.  Forgive me, ‘articulating’ means:  You no words have.  Feel baaaaad.  Perhaps you might be happier if you listened to more LL Cool J. 

And they say I’m not educational!

  • Debut Authors Hitting Your Shelves! – So many great authors launched their first books this past year!  There was Tiffany A. White, Catie Rhodes, Myndi Shafer, August McLaughlin, Leanne Shirtliffe, David Walker, Angela Orlowski-Peart, and many others I know I’m forgetting and don’t mean to.  But one author was the first to be featured with the Redhots, and that’s Fabio Bueno and his release of Wicked Sense!


  • They Made A Movie About Male Dancers! – It was a year of guilty pleasure films, and of my favorites, was Magic Mike.  Based on some stories Channing Tatum knew while he worked as a dancer, he and some other favorite men:  Matthew McConaughey, Joe Manganiello, Alex Pettyfer, and Adam Rodriguez showcased their best dance moves for a story with slim plotline, but all the right rising action.   (Shameful, I know, but I couldn’t resist!)

The Redhots – SO NOT!

50 Shades of Black and White:  A Biblical Response to 50 Shades of Grey – I just really hope it includes the phrase from my Catholic school days of “petting is a no-no.”  Careful now, Jesus is watching you…and he thinks you’re a slut.

Fifty Shades of Gray Matter – Same story told with zombies!  Now, someone tell me how this works.  If you tie up your zombie lover, won’t their limbs just rip right off?  Who needs a riding crop when you can use your own arm?!

Fifty Shades of Chicken – Told from the point of view an overheated fowl (does that mean it’s fried), the book contains photos of erotically placed birds.  Quote:  “What are the safe words, Chicken?’ ‘Golden,’ I mumble, ‘if I’m approaching doneness.’ ‘And?’ he prods…  ‘Black, if I’m in danger of drying out.”

Fifty Shades of Mr. Darcy – Interweaving the classic Jane Austen tale with the 50 Shades book itself, we are introduced to Lizzy Steele and Mr. Darcy’s “Blue Broom Cupboard of Seriously Kinky Sh*t.”  It is a truth universally acknowledged…that a man in possession of good leather boots, won’t be riding just his pony.  

Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks – Flipping the table, so to speak, it is an old silver haired blogger who wears argyle socks that is turned on by a young entrepreneur woman.  Be careful, old man, this lady comes with baggage!

I almost want to change my answer, maybe the 50 Shades parodies can be part of SO HOT!

  • The Jersey Shore Cast – vh1.com

    Reality TV and Lindsay Lohan – Why is it considered fun to watch marathons of Jersey Shore?  All they do is drink, get in fights, and date one another!  It’s like Dawson’s Creek was abducted by aliens and they came back with hair extensions, a bartender’s manual, and Ugg boots.  Have at it, kiddos!  And while we’re at it, here’s your own beach house too!  Throw in the Kardashians, Teen Moms 1 and 2, and all the Real Housewives!  Don’t even get me started on Lohan!  She and her parents are so messed up!  She makes Britney Spears’ melt down look like a trip to the ice cream shop!

  • KFC’s Chicken and Their Customer Service – Did you hear about the kid who thought he ate brain at KFC?  Ok, this technically happened the first week in January 2013, but it’s definitely a SO NOT!  He snapped a photo of this gross chicken wing and posted it on social media, because that’s what consumers can do now.  Of course, millions were disgusted and how did KFC respond?  By reporting back to consumers that though they haven’t inspected the actual item, it appears from the photo to be a kidney that wasn’t removed, and not a brain after all!  No health risk was made, and they offered the 19 year old kid coupons for more KFC!!!  To bring back a phrase from the 90’s, that’s wack!

wiki images

Now head to Marcia’s blog to continue reading about what the Redhots thought was SO HOT and SO NOT in 2012!

It’s your turn to share!  What trends and topics of 2012 did you think were SO HOT and SO NOT! 

But first, please pick your favorite topics from the poll below to let Marcia and I know what you’d most love us to blog about this year!  You can select as many topics as you like and feel free to share more thoughts and ideas in the comments box!  We’ll see you there!

Hope Springs: Beware this RomCom’s NOT for Children!

So, Hope Springs…where to start?  With Meryl Streep trying to sensually massage Tommy Lee Jones’ very wrinkled body?  Nope, nope – too early for that imagery!  Meryl gettin’ down with her bad self?  Eating a banana while reading Sex Tips for a Straight Woman from a Gay Man?

Wait, wait, why are you running away?!  I’m not done with my review!

Ok, I fully admit it was my idea to review Hope Springs for the Redhots.  Had I known what I was getting myself into, I would have let well enough alone!  I swear!  There are things people my age aren’t supposed to know!  Things we shouldn’t know!  Because if we knew them, we might never have sex again, never get married, never have children, and then mosquitos would take over the planet!

I thought it would be a light hearted film about love.  The preview made it so inviting!

The first mistake I made was taking my best friend, Cat, with me to see the movie.  Cat recently got married this past August.  She’s still in honeymoon bliss.  Wanting to spend more time with her husband…probably cleaning the house…I assume.  I’m not married, I’m not sure what those people do.

What I hope they don’t do, is turn into Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones in the film Hope Springs!  Ack, people!  I have to develop a new rating system just to efficiently describe this marriage movie monstrosity!  We’ll be dissecting the film under the following categories:

  • Hope Floats, But Your Sex Don’t Spring
  • The Ick Factor
  • All I Truly Love are the Costumes
  • Was There A Happy Ending, I’m Still in Shock from the Close up of Tommy Lee’s Lips?

Ok, to get started, Hope Floats, But Your Sex Don’t Spring!  

The premise for this movie is a couple that goes to intensive counseling after 30+ years of marriage has turned them into roommates rather than life partners.  Sleeping in separate beds, Kay and Arnold (Streep and Jones), have lost their lust, I mean love, for one another.

What follows is an all too real picture of what could be the future.  Hope Springs had the potential to cover any number of marital concerns and obstacles, but at its heart, it focuses on sex.  Meaning Kay and Arnold aren’t having any.

Further discussion of their lack of sex, in fact any physical contact in some time, leads me to:

The Ick Factor

I know this film is probably giving hope to couples all over that it’s not too late to spice up their sex lives, and I’m all for it, I really, truly am!  But I just don’t want to see it!

Number one on the Ick Factor list is Tommy Lee Jones’ lips, or lack thereof!  His face wrinkles just sort of melt into where his teeth are.

Then there’s the awkward touching.  Picture Meryl Streep’s hands pat pat patting Tommy Lee’s upper thighs, then staring at his aroused face.  *kech*   I just threw up a little.

You don’t want to know what “went down” in the movie theater, but I actually felt pity for Kay after watching that scene!

And this was all made the more awkward because Cat would not stop snickering very audibly next to me in a theater full of older couples and us.

(image courtesy Mrs. Inman – Popping In and Out, Creative Commons)

All I Truly Love Are the Costumes

The saving grace of this film was the realistic costuming they gave the characters.  Kay works at Coldwater Creek, and she is definitely in floral blouses and matching sets throughout the film.  And I liked the subtle detail of having her wear the same necklace, different ways, while she was traveling.

Was There a Happy Ending, I’m Still in Shock from the Close up of Tommy Lee’s Lips?

I don’t think I’m being a terrible spoiler when I tell you that Kay and Arnold get their groove back.  Even though I was happy for them, it was, and remains to be, hard to shake the frightening images I was forced to face.

I mean, frozen in my theater chair, so disturbed I couldn’t look away AND I forgot to drink any of the wine I snuck in with my purse!  That’s fer realz, y’all!

Final Recommendation:

My newly married friend best summed up the movie as we washed our hands (because we couldn’t put soap in our eyes), that it might be a movie to watch periodically throughout one’s marriage.  To use it as a spectrum gage of “are we this couple and if so what the f*ck are we going to do about it?”

In the meantime, if you’re in a happily committed relationship, might I suggest the newest season of Dexter for date night?


Don’t take my word for it!  Check out Marcia’s opinion on what it’s really like to be married!  Hope her hubby has better lips than Tommy Lee!


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