Tag Archives: SEO

Do You Like Me? Yes or No: Love Notes from SEO

All writers and bloggers know that SEO (Search Engine Optimization) is a crucial part of establishing your online brand. Tags and Keywords are required in order for the Internet Gods to find you and connect you with readers. With tags, we have a say. We can edit our own tags to include the subject matter we blog about in hopes that interested readers will search those tags and find us. For example, I’ve tagged this post to come up in searches for my name, my blog’s name, SEO, blogging, and writers.

We can influence keywords as well, but the Internet Gods that be (on the seventh day they tweeted) will also pull things from our posts based on wording we’ve used and formatting.

Every now and then I like to take a peak at my blog stats to see what search terms led people to find my little hub in the great wide blogosphere. And the randomness of some of the search terms never ceases to amuse me.

In the past, you may have found my blog by searching one or all of the following phrases:

  • how to do the Peanuts dance
  • dino erotica
  • what defined the 80’s
  • things to blog about that start with ‘S’
  • vampire attacks
  • claimed vampire attacks in 2013
  • covered up vampire attacks

Why, YES I CAN instruct you how to do the Peanuts dance, why you SHOULDN’T buy dino erotica, what defined the 80’s (I’ll save you the read – it’s fanny packs), things to blog about that start with ‘S’ (you could also consult a dictionary, but I’ve got some ideas – Snuggies, sleep, sloths, the character Sloth from the movie The Goonies…). And I can tell you about ONE claimed vampire attack in 2013 that may in fact be a cover up by a moderately well known band.

Now, I like to imagine you, Dear Readers, opening your Google search engines and writing to me personally, like Dear Abby, all of your quizzical interweb wonderings. I think of your search terms as love notes. And I hope that I can answer your questions.

Yes I Can

My Campaign Slogan – just in time for election day!

But lately, I’m beginning to feel like we should see other people. Your requests have gotten out of hand. And I think it’s time we introduce a safe word. You know, something to say when one of us feels the other has the crossed the line.  How about ‘parakeet‘? I think it works because I dislike them too.

A week ago when I looked at the search terms that led you here, I was flummoxed. And more than a little uncomfortable.

Recent Search Terms That Led You to the Happiness Project:

  • inside LDS temples
  • scary ouija board conversations
  • what to wear in the tundra
  • what does it mean if you draw a swing
  • dragon hill spa placenta
  • i dreamed there was 5 little orphan baby bats all snuffling dreams
  • girls and boars
  • sideshow freak posters
  • queens drinking tea
  • Tia Carrere’s legs
  • Jonathan Crombie’s girlfriend
  • inflatable handcuffs hahaha
  • how to fix a box fan
  • ideas of how to dress like The Hulk
  • hippies, gypsies, no bras and no squares
  • absurdist quirky films
  • Willoughby “the slime”
  • German women in dirndls
  • absurdly romantic things to say to a woman
  • what causes super human hearing
  • sex free friendship with old Indian woman

Huh???

Who am I to you, SEO? Do you even know me? I thought we loved one another.

SEO love letter

I think it’s time we slow things down, SEO. NaNoWriMo is starting and I just don’t have time for this. Come talk to me when you’re not drunk. You’ve got my number.

*****

Follow up Request to the Internet Gods

Dear Internet Lords,

I just called for a break between me and my SEO. Lately I feel like he doesn’t get me anymore. And he’s always asking me for the strangest requests. I’m tired and I feel like he doesn’t respect me anymore. What should I do? Oh, and how do I change my blog relationship status to ‘It’s Complicated’?

Sincerely,

Baffled and Blogging

*****

What’s your SEO relationship like?
or Write me your best Dear Abby response!

The Happiness Project: Now An Educational Blog Series!

Hello Friends!

I know, it’s been awhile. I’ve been a naughty blogger. I didn’t post at all last week cause I was sick with a cold and pretty much had no idea what to write about. I did get some work done on my book though, which is good and bad. Good – because my goal is to be a published, professional writer. But bad – or maybe more accurately sad, because I missed you all and felt guilty for ignoring you in favor of sweatpants, Echinacea, kleenex, and the Harry Potter marathon that was on all day Saturday.

Which leads me to an update. As much as I hate to say it, and I really do, I’ll be cutting my posts back to once a week. I have to focus on edits right now, and I need the extra time to get them done. There’s going to be a lot of this going on…

Life of a WriterI will have some awesome guest bloggers joining me next month so stay tuned for guest posts from animal expert Amy Shojai and mystery writer extraordinaire Kathy Owen – both of whom have new books coming out! Holla!

In procrastinating writing a new blog post, I perused my recent blog stats page to see what amazing search terms led people to my blog.

You know what I learned?

I’m apparently writing an educational blog series!

I mean, people are popping over here to learn all kinds of information. Just in the last 30 days, here’s a list of topics I’ve been their go to source for:

  • Mount Rushmore holes in eyes – um, ok
  • how to do the Peanuts dance – well sure
  • dino erotica – this will not be on next year’s syllabus
  • Barret Oliver
  • what defined the 80’s
  • things to blog about that start with ‘S’ – don’t ask me about the letter ‘E’, I have no idea!
  • do older ouija boards work better – I don’t know, I don’t plan to touch one ever again.
  • wicked musical party supplies – I’m better with Oscar parties.
  • reports of vampire attacks in 2013
  • claimed vampire attacks in 2013
  • covered up vampire attacks
  • vampire attacks – For. Realz.
  • missing your dad who died from positive quotes – I have a question for you, how does one die from the power of affirmation phrases?
  • travel necessities in Korea
  • how long does it take for a tarot reading to come true
  • how many nominations did The Hobbit get

I’m so pleased I could be your reference on so many broad topics. I shall strive to elaborate and educate on many more in 2014.

Now, raise those hands. Who’s got a topic they want to talk about in class?

 

 

 

I Love You Search Engine Optimization: A Guilty Pleasure Tall Tale

You know, I had completely forgotten about how much fun it is to look through the collection of search engine terms that people use to locate your blog.  I mean, here I’d gone the whole holiday season and NOT ONCE had I clicked on my stats page to look at popular search terms.  This was quickly remedied after reading the hilarious Leanne Shirtliffe, better known as Ironic Mom, when she did an entire post of one such search engine that linked to her page:  100 Things To Do With a Dead Chicken.

SQUEAK! BAWK! (source: google images)

As I perused the latest quarter’s search engines, it became clear who I was as a person:

sound of music cast today

Maria with Captain Von Trapp (source: google images)

Alright, you caught me, whoever you are.  I was in fact Julie Andrew’s stunt double in the Sound of Music.  You wouldn’t think of it to look at her, but she’s really an atrocious dancer.  Gave a whole new meaning to “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” 

The users of SEO also gave me a compiled list of things I’m good at:

I see dead people.

Mrs. Peacock costumes

Mrs. Peacock (source: Me on Halloween 2010)

pee wee rolls eyes at alamo

movie about the play about sardines

master of karate and friendship for everyone

"Dayman" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (source: google images)

i spoke to my soulmate after he died on the ouija board

hot sully from Dr. Quinn pictures

Hot Sully from Dr. Quinn picture - You're Welcome, Reader! (source: my dreams)

Many of you know that I recently changed my blog’s logline.  I thought that “Where Jane Austen and the Walking Dead Collide” was a good one, but clearly, readers, you would prefer something more like one of these:

Inside the Sideshow Tent

Teenage Vampire

Inside of Pilgrim Houses

Not Eating to Protest My Mother

Taboo Witkins

Those are all priceless and valuable options, so I thank you, readers and fellow bloggers, for enlightening me.  I’ll keep the one I have for now, but I may come back to these in a month or two.

Some of you really ought to read through my archives though because I don’t have a clue what you guys were thinking.  Maybe you just really want me to be more involved with crafts.  I’ll try to do that in 2012 because somehow, unbeknownst to me, these phrases will link you to my blog:

Iranian sewing hand book

Decorating my whole house with crows

Cross stitch poodle

This sure was lots of fun.  I learned a lot of valuable things about myself.  For instance, I should probably contact the people of IMDB (Internet Movie Database) and request a page for being Julie Andrew’s stunt double.  Fair is fair, right?  And I should really invest in a sewing kit, an Iranian one to be exact.  Got to go, Peeps, I’ve got some poodles to cross stitch and crows to hang! 

Got any other suggestions for Jess’ Happiness Project?  Just SEO my way!  What’s the most bizarre thing that’s linked someone to your blog?

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