Sh*t My Husband Says While Sleeping
Set your coffee down, folks! It’s time for another round of “Sh*t My Husband Says While Sleeping,” the reoccurring blog series that pops up…whenever I remember to write down the batsh*t things comin’ outa his mouth!
First, meet my husband.
This is Joe.
He likes short walks through the grocery store, old school Keanu Reeves movies,
and growing facial hair.
***
Now, Joe talks in his sleep. When that happens, he occasionally refers to me as “his little pear juice.”
It isn’t all the time, and he can’t control it, but he says the WEIRDEST things when he sleep talks.
Here are a few of his latest sleep disturbances…
Example No. 1
***
Joe: Did you wanna take the bear?
Me: What bear? What’s his name?
Joe: Holia.
Me: Where’d you meet him?
*silence*
Me:
Example No. 2
***
Joe: Mmmm Mmmm good! That’s what it is.
Me: What’s good?
Me:
On the flip side, if his REM antics become popular, I might consider switching the tag line of this blog to “Mmmm Mmmm good. That’s what it is.” How do you think that’ll look on a business card?
Where do YOU think Joe met the bear?
Things Joe Says When He’s Sleeping
Exhibit A: Joe sleeping
My fiance talks in his sleep. And nothing he says makes sense.
The conversations he has while sleeping rarely relate to anything we’ve done during the day. Although I guess I could count the time we watched The Walking Dead one Sunday night and he muttered this gem while asleep:
Joe: Why are there no zombies in Australia?
Me: What?
Joe: *shouts* WHY??
Who shouts in their sleep about zombie settlements?!
In the words of my mother, “You’re not allowed to watch those shows before bedtime anymore.”
This weekend, he apparently was quoting movie lines in his sleep, but I didn’t get the reference. All I heard was this:
Joe: Be happy in your work, Pear.
Me: What?
Joe: Be happy in your work, Pear.
Me: Who’s Pear?
Joe: You are. You’re my little Pear Juice.
Me: *shakes head, rolls over, goes back to bed*
He was quoting lines from the movie, Club Dread, a film we watched MONTHS ago.
There’s a Pac-Man like maze in the movie where the employees dress up like fruit.
You better run, Banana!
I can only hope that the ludicrous things coming out of his mouth continue and that this can become a reoccurring blog series. Sure he’s talking about zombie migration and bad Broken Lizard films today, but tomorrow who knows? He just might solve world peace!
But if he doesn’t, you can bet I’ll have lots more to write about. 😉
So thanks, Joe, for keeping it entertaining!
Your Little Pear Juice, or whatever,
Jess
Do you talk in your sleep? Does your partner?
What strange quirks do you or your partner have?
Interpreting Your Dreams: What Your Drawings Can Teach You
And we’re back to the Guinea Pig Diaries – Sleep Study Month! Last week we talked about Popular Dream Meanings, and we’re going a step further today with a fun drawing activity. Our dreams can be symbolic or pure release of our subconscious minds. But sometimes our dreams have a reoccurring symbol and that could have meaning.
The following exercise is from Sylvia Browne’s Book of Dreams and I found it really fun and interesting. Here are the directions:
Grab a pen and paper. Draw these five objects: a house, the sun, water, a tree, and a snake.
STOP READING! Finish your picture, then continue on.
Here’s mine!
Now, I have to give the same disclaimer that Sylvia gave in her book, which is that these interpretations of dream symbols are not THE ONLY ones they could mean, but they’re some of the more common. If you’re interested in learning what your particular dreams mean, the best thing you can do is keep a dream journal where you can record images and symbols that make repeat performances while you sleep!
That said, here’s the fun analysis of your drawing! And don’t worry if you’re not a good “drawer”. You can see I’m not! By the way, that spaceship over the door of the house is supposed to be an outside light. I like those on houses.
Ok, check this out!
The House
The house represents you. How did you embellish your house? Is there a door? Windows? Can people see in? Does the house seem inviting or more closed off? Is there a chimney for warmth? A path to the house? Is it a big house or a tiny one? Is it a house to be noticed or more to blend in?
The Sun
The sun represents your father. How close did you draw the sun to your house? Is it a glowing sun with rays reaching out or is a simple circle up out of the way? If it has rays do they stretch out for warmth and generosity or do they seem limited in what they can offer?
The Water
The water represents your mother. Again, look at its proximity to the house? Is it nearby or distant? Is it contained, like a pond or pool or flowing and lively like a river or an ocean? Is it in the foreground or background of your picture? Is its size relative to that of the house or does it seem out of proportion?
The Tree
The tree symbolizes your intellect, your relationship with your mind, your awareness. What size is your tree? Is it in the foreground or background? Does it have branches that stretch out and provide shade or does it look shriveled and parched? Does it offer protection over the house or is it too far away?
The Snake
The snake is your sexuality. What is its location to your house and tree? Is the size of your snake relative to the size of the house or does it seem out of proportion? Does it look healthy or should you take it to the doctor?
*****
I was really shocked how a little drawing like this can pull out some key truths about our lives. I think that I am most like my father, so it makes sense that the sun is the closest to the house for me. My mom and I have become much closer over the years so I agree with the flowing river – which in itself, is something I grew up next to and have always found calming. I pride myself on being very self aware of my words and actions, so I created a more elaborate tree with a tire swing in it. I’m much more private about my sexuality, so it’s there, appropriate in size and curled up next to the house (at home where it belongs!) LOL
What do you think? Are you finding little A-Ha’s in your image? Don’t stress over the generalization of each object. Again, if you dream about water a lot, it doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with thinking about your mother. This is just one interpretation. But it’s pretty thought-provoking isn’t it?
Can’t get enough sleep? I mean blogging about sleep?
Check out the rest of the Guinea Pig Diaries series:
Want More Sleep? Snooze is Not the Answer
Let’s Talk About Snoring: It Might Get Loud!
Popular Dream Meanings: Or Why Your Teeth Are Falling Out
Sweet Dreams Everyone!
Popular Dream Meanings: Or Why Your Teeth Are Falling Out
Welcome to the Guinea Pig Diaries – a monthly dive into different topics, and this month we’re talking about SLEEP! Wondering about setting a better sleep routine, check out Snooze is Not the Answer. Got a partner who snores? Go read It Might Get Loud.
Today, we’re talking about dreams.
(image courtesy flickr Creative Commons – Heidi M Mcdonald)
Do you ever have a reoccurring dream? Have you wondered what it means? Dreams can have a variety of meanings and purposes in our lives; they can show us what we wish for, what we fear, and sometimes we can even speak to loved ones we’ve lost.
The most common type of dream is the Release Dream.
Release dreams serve their purpose by getting rid of the mental stress we carry around during the day. They can be nonsensical, humorous, and even scary. Nightmares are a form of release dreams – because they show us the worst case scenario. They also show us, however, that we can survive. Our subconscious is shocking us to let us know what we’re capable of accepting and dealing with.
What You Should Know About Nightmares:
Have you or someone you know had a reoccurring dream that a loved one becomes injured or dies? Nightmares like this are disturbing, no doubt, but it doesn’t mean they’re a premonition of something bad to happen. If we fear something with our conscious during the day, our subconscious stores it and releases it when we’re asleep. And again, it’s to show us we’ll survive – even if in our dreams we don’t.
I can think of a very particular nightmare I used to have again and again as a child. I dreamed that I was kidnapped. I was probably around 7 or 8 years old when a man came to our house and knocked on our door. Being that my father owned a cake business, we commonly had customers stop by to return cake fixtures from parties and such so I thought nothing of strange people at our door. This guy drove a beat up old truck and asked if my parents were home. I said they were and to step inside, I’d go get them. He immediately said, “Oh, that’s ok, nevermind…”, turned and left. When I told my mom and sister what happened, they were instantly alarmed. And I remember my sister looking out the window to catch sight of his truck and she called the police. I didn’t know I should have been scared, but their reaction did the trick. For several nights following, I suffered the nightmare that I was taken from my family. It left me scared to even be on the playground at school without other students or teachers around. Thankfully, I never saw the man again, and I’ve never been taken from my family against my will.
What About The Dreams Where My Teeth Fall Out???
(image courtesy flickr Creative Commons – mmmcrafts)
Opposite of nightmares, release dreams can encompass those totally whacked out dreams we have too! You know, the ones where gorillas surround the house and take over the birdfeeder!!
…just me?…
Moving along! They’re called a release dream because they’re releasing the stuff our conscious collects throughout the day. When I was reading The Hunger Games trilogy, you should have SEEN the dreams I was having! And don’t get me started on my dreams following The Walking Dead.
Dreams About Your Teeth or Hair Falling Out:
Certain reoccurring dreams can have an archetypal meaning. A common one is the dream that all your teeth are falling out!
If you’re dreaming about your teeth, or hair, falling out it could mean you’re feeling vulnerable or embarrassed in some way. Perhaps you said something you wished you hadn’t or maybe you’re worried about getting old and afraid people won’t see you the same way. Both would be triggered by stress, so do whatever calming techniques work best for you – especially before bedtime – to put these dreams to rest (pun intended).
Dreams About the Weather – Storms, Waves, and Tornadoes:
Different form, same as above. Emotional stress. When we feel overwhelmed, we have the saying that “we’re drowning.” That phrase comes from somewhere! Emotional turbulence can take a physical form in our dreams through perilous natural elements because our minds recognize these forces as dangerous and requiring caution.
Dreams About Animals:
(image courtesy flickr Creative Commons – Asta R)
Dreams About Stairs or Mazes:
Let’s Talk About Snoring, It Might Get Loud!
Welcome to the Guinea Pig Diaries! We’re talking about sleep this month, or what gets in the way of it.
Do you know someone that snores?
(photo credit – Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)
“What’s that? Speak up, Dearie, I can hardly hear you over Henry’s abominable gurgles!“
I seem to be doomed to live with men who snore.
Growing up, my father could keep the whole upstairs awake! It didn’t matter my room was farthest away down the hall, with the door shut. He was loud and clear.
Haaaacgh Scheeeew Zzzzz Zzzzz
Short of smothering my head with a pillow, I had to get used to it. And my mother wonders why she found me asleep downstairs on the couch so much!
Now, it’s my boyfriend (who I love very dearly if you’re reading, Honey!). And instead of a pillow, it’s the TV on sleep mode. And an occasional elbow jab… 😀
What causes snoring?
I didn’t know this, but there’s a whole variety of reasons why people snore. When air is blocked in some fashion through your mouth or nose, it causes snoring. Reminds me of trying to sleep with a bad cold – the worst is when your nose whistles, isn’t it?!!
According to HelpGuide.com‘s collaboration with Harvard Health Publications, common causes of snoring include:
- Age. As you reach middle age and beyond, your throat becomes narrower, and the muscle tone in your throat decreases.
- The way you’re built. Men have narrower air passages than women and are more likely to snore. A narrow throat, a cleft palate, enlarged adenoids, and other physical attributes that contribute to snoring are often hereditary.
- Nasal and sinus problems. Blocked airways make inhalation difficult and create a vacuum in the throat, leading to snoring.
- Being overweight or out of shape. Fatty tissue and poor muscle tone contribute to snoring.
- Alcohol, smoking, and medications. Alcohol intake, smoking, and certain medications can increase muscle relaxation leading to more snoring.
- Sleep posture. Sleeping flat on your back causes the flesh of your throat to relax and block the airway.
Sleep and Relationships – Let’s Talk About Sex Snoring, Baby!
Normally, when things get heated in the bedroom it’s a good thing! But what if your partner’s snoring (or your own) is putting your relationship on edge?
I SAID ROLL OVER OR I KEEP THE ARM!
(photo credit – Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)
Now, thankfully, Honeypot and I are not scouting out alternative spaces for another bedroom. (Because he knows he’ll get the smaller one! After all, I have more shoes.)
It is a real issue for many couples, and one that could escalate over time. Snoring can cause poor sleep for both the snorer and his/her partner. Lack of sleep can cause fatigue and irritability, and often we can take out our aggression on our partner. It’s all too easy to fight with our loved one rather than address the issue itself – the snoring.
So what if you’ve done everything you can think of – earplugs, noise machines, hundreds of dollars in various types of pillows?!
Be patient. While it is frustrating to wake up in the middle of the night from someone’s snoring, remember they’re not doing it on purpose!
Here’s some tips that HelpGuide.com’s site shared:
- Time your talk carefully. Avoid middle of the night or early morning discussions when you’re feeling exhausted.
- Keep in mind it’s not intentional. Although it’s easy to feel like a victim when you lose sleep, remember that your partner isn’t keeping you awake on purpose.
- Avoid lashing out. Sure, sleep deprivation is aggravating and can be damaging to your health, but try your best to approach the problem in a non-confrontational way.
- Beware of bitterness. Make sure that latching onto snoring is not an outlet for other hidden resentments you’re harboring.
- Use humor and playfulness to bring up the subject of snoring without hurting your partner’s feelings. Laughing about it can ease tension. Just make sure it doesn’t turn into too much teasing.
And for the snorer, use the same advice! Know that your partner is frustrated because they’re not sleeping well. Don’t be too hard on yourself because you’re NOT doing this on purpose, and know that you’re partner LOVES YOU, just not your snoring.
If you still both feel that you’ve tried everything and talked about it, yet you’re still both miserable, it may be time to seek professional help. Perhaps what you thought was common snoring, is really sleep apnea, a sleep disorder that requires medical attention.
So put down the bat! There’s no need for violence! If you’re still looking for helpful tips to prevent snoring try these bedtime remedies:
- Clear nasal passages. Having a stuffy nose makes inhalation difficult and creates a vacuum in your throat, which in turn leads to snoring. You can do it naturally with a Neti pot or try nasal decongestants or nasal strips to help you breathe more easily while sleeping.
- Keep bedroom air moist with a humidifier. Dry air can irritate membranes in the nose and throat.
- Reposition. Elevating your head four inches may ease breathing and encourage your tongue and jaw to move forward. There are specially designed pillows available to help prevent snoring by making sure your neck muscles are not crimped.
- Avoid caffeine and heavy meals within two hours of going to bed, especially dairy products and soymilk.
- Sleep on your side. Avoid sleeping on your back, as gravity makes it more likely for your tongue and soft tissues to drop and obstruct your airway.
Share your snoring! I mean STORY!
Do you live with a snorer? Are you a snorer? What helps you sleep better?
*All bulleted lists are tips from HelpGuide.com’s article How To Stop Snoring.
Want More Sleep? Snooze is Not the Answer!
Welcome to the Guinea Pig Diaries! Every month I’ll be covering a different topic, trying new things, experimenting! And this month, you can call me Rip Van Witkins as I tackle the study of SLEEP!
Rip Van Winkle – The Man Who Slept for 20 Years – Jealous?
(Photo courtesy Creative Commons – LI Refugee)
When I started perusing through the National Sleep Foundation‘s website I was amazed at how much they had on Women and Sleep. The average number of hours we’re supposed to sleep is between 7 and 9, however most women average just a little over 6.
And guess what ladies? Women are more likely to have trouble falling asleep, staying asleep, and experiencing daytime sleepiness than men.
Oh goody gumdrops! Now I know why I’m so plucky in the morning!
(Photo courtesy Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)
The causes for poor sleep can be any number of things: Insomnia, sleep apnea, pain from migraines and tension headaches, restless leg syndrome, shift work hours, and even nocturnal eating disorders.
It also doesn’t help that all women have one of these inside their heads…
(Photo courtesy Creative Commons – mere.mortal)
Often times we think we can “cheat” sleep and function just fine, or catch up on all of our lost sleep over the weekend while getting precious little during the work week. Regular sleep is important because that’s where our bodies achieve homeostasis. During sleep, our breathing slows and our muscles relax. Increased blood flow to the muscles during this relaxation is what allows tissue growth and repair. We also release the cortisol hormone, whose job among other things, is to alleviate allergies, boost the metabolism, and help relieve pain so we can wake up energized.
Where is this cortisol you speak of? Give it to me!
(Photo courtesy of Creative Commons – Mrs Inman)
Most of us know what an ideal sleep environment is supposed to be. Dark room, no cell phone or alarm clock lights facing the bed, noise should be at a minimum, the temperature on the cooler side. Blah, Blah, zzzzzzzz…
Whoops, dozed off for a minute there! What I was saying is that we know what we’re supposed to do to help us sleep, but not many of us take the time to actually assist ourselves in that process. Starting TODAY I invite you to join me and do a sleep study!
The sleep study month can be whatever you want it to be.
Make small changes or large ones, but get some SLEEP!
Here are some sleep tips to start with!
- Going to Bed 2 Hours Earlier on Weeknights – I’m typically up until midnight or later every night. Going to bed by 10pm is going to be tricky, but by giving myself a bedtime, I plan my night differently. I get dinner, work on what I need to and then save my “wind down” activities like watching TV or reading for the end of the night.
- Create a Bedtime Routine – Along with having a set bedtime, the actions you do right before bed are just as important. Watching TV or playing games on your phone can be a fun way to unwind, but they decrease your melatonin making ability, a natural antioxidant in your body. I’ve always been a
germaphobeclean freak so my routine before bed involves my Clarisonic, flossing, mouthwash, moisturizer, vitamins, and chapstick! Might sound basic, but doing these repetitive behaviors sends my body the message that bedtime is soon. - Get Plenty of Light During the Day – Just like plants, we need sunlight during the day and darkness at night. The daylight hours help keep you energized, and then you’re more likely to fall asleep while its dark. I’m going to try to take a short walk outside each day, sit by the window, and keep using the heat lamp in the bathroom!
- Don’t Be the Princess and the Pea – I suffer from spinal subluxation in my upper neck so the search for a pillow that’s comfortable is unending. I’ve tried memory foam and skipping the pillow altogether. What’s worked best for me is an orthopedic pillow that is scooped in the middle to cradle my head while keeping my neck aligned. If you suffer from neck or back pain, make sure you invest in the right pillow or mattress to get the best sleep possible. Studies show people who tested a mattress for 15 minutes before purchasing one were happiest with their decision.
- Make Bedtime Relaxing – Easier said than done, right? If you’re like me, the minute you lie still, everything you could have and should have done that day is going to flood your brain! Practice relaxation tips like deep breathing, tensing your muscles and relaxing them, and visualizing a peaceful place.
Are you in or are you out? Wanna get some more Zzz’s?
What keeps you awake at night? What helps you fall asleep? If it’s reading my posts, please keep the drool to a minimum.
Snoozes and Pillow Fluffs,
Jess
Jess Witkins' Happiness Project 