Tag Archives: vampire

Local Vampire Attack Causes News Headlines

If you thought small towns were boring…

On Tuesday, May 13th, a vampire attacked a group of musicians in my town.

True story.

A man by the name of Scott Mehtala, 23, claimed he was a vampire when being arrested for assault and battery charges against guitarist, Nik Slimp.

Slimp’s band, American Fangs, had been playing in the local La Crosse Center, which Mehtala described as filled with “normals.” A “normal” is anyone who is not a vampire. In case you needed clarification.

After the show, Mehtala picked up a barricade and hurled it through the band’s tour bus window. When confronted by the guitarist, Mehtala punched him in the face. Slimp is reported to have a chipped tooth and required stitches. No confirmation has been made whether he was turned into a vampire or not. But if so, I suspect the chipped tooth is going to make dinner a messy one.

Police picked up Mehtala, who was high on heroin truthfully, and suffering from vampire attacks that were imaginary. Claiming the headlining band, Hollywood Undead, was actually a group of vampires forcing him to act out destructive behaviors like rip off a side mirror of a random vehicle.

flickr image courtesy Mrs Inman

The vampires made me do it…

New paranormal trend unearthed as Mehtala reportedly kept whispering to the police “Where are your tattoos?” No previous information about the fad of vampire inking is yet known.

Fortunately for Mehtala, if a vampire attack was to ensue, he confessed to police that his “super human hearing” would save him. He would be back in tip top shape in no time.

All he needed was a nap.

For the full article in the La Crosse Tribune click here.

What do you think? Is La Crosse, Wisconsin the new Mystic Falls? Should I start stocking up on garlic and wood stakes?

And where ARE your tattoos?

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