Tag Archives: wardrobe malfunction

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful? My Awkward Moment Told in Gifs

Image-1 (1)“There’s a hole in my pants,” I realized, about 20 minutes before I was going to speak to a group of twentysome middle school students. 

About STDs. 

“There’s a goddamn HOLE! In my pants.” 

Naturally, I did the only thing I could do at that point.

I texted a friend ala Margaret Cho-style, as in “YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DID!”

Let me backup.

I am transitioning to a new role in my job. I’m leaving my basement-located office work for the wide, open world of sex education where you get to say things like “Have you seen my uterus?” and that’s not considered a personal question. Also, the air smells like puberty about 80% of the time.

My colleagues and I are now learning the material for the multiple talks our clinic provides, and we were each given a focus talk to prioritize.

Guess who got STDs??!!

jerri blank what are you looking at

I mean I PRESENT on sexually transmitted diseases.

Anyway, I arrived at the middle school, checked in at the office and since I was there early, excused myself to use the restroom before heading to class.

It was there, in the bathroom, when I noticed I COULD SEE THE FLOOR THROUGH MY PANTS!

jerri blank shocked

I was wearing a brand new pair of dress pants I’d purchased the week before and not worn yet. The seam below the zipper had unraveled and created a diamond shaped hole, through which the orange tile floor was all too crisp and clear.

oh fudge
Oooooooooh, fffuuuuuuuuuuudge.

Only I didn’t say fudge.

Like anyone in a serious situation, I immediately took inventory of anything I could possibly use to fix this major wardrobe malfunction.

Hand soap. Paper towel.

“This bathroom is useless to me! I have nothing!” 

Leo crying

I debated my options. My limited options.

frank choices

“That’s it,” I thought. Only thing I could do was teach the class. I was going to have to make the best of the situation.

mean girls

I had worn a top that was a little longer that day, and had a tank top beneath it.

I stretched and pulled and yanked that tank top as low as I could get it to go.

Then I walked in front of that class like…

awkward gifHeeeeeeeey!

And for the duration of the 40 minute class, I kept my legs well crossed and stood in the shadiest corner of the classroom I could find while still being able to point to the front screen as needed.

When it was over and I packed up, I got in the car like…

kip yes
Nailed it!

*****

Soooo, how was YOUR week?

 

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