Tag Archives: wedding planning

Quite Possibly the Worst Wedding Dream Ever

A few nights ago I had the craziest wedding dream yet!

You already know about my weird dream where I was on the road to interrogate a killer, but stopped to crash someone’s wedding reception just to take notes on what I liked and disliked about it. Note* I do NOT like Skittles as party favors.

But this last dream was far more outlandish!

First off, my dress started out as my real wedding gown, but somewhere in the dream it morphed into a gaudy black sequin and lace ensemble with layers of petticoats underneath and puff sleeves!

more rufflesI came out to greet everyone and ran into my friend, Cat.

“How’s my hair look?” I asked.

She wouldn’t answer me. She just kept prattling on about other things! I begged her to go to the restroom with me so I could see my hair in the mirror. It had been styled by a team of professionals and I badly wanted to see how it turned out.

When we finally got to the bathroom, Cat tried to block me from the mirror. I managed to step around her and catch my reflection.

The top of my head was a beehive of curls, mounded in a great glump. The back of my hair was a mohawk, gelled straight out to a point!

That’s not even the worst part.

matrimonial mulletThe bridal headpiece that was sewn into my hair can only be described as a large purple hula-hoop that was covered, and I mean COVERED, in women’s underpants!

I didn’t know what to do. Where does one even begin to fix a headdress that dangles lady knickers?

I went in search of my family.

When I got to the reception hall, guests were milling about restlessly. A few were seated at tables with odd chairs and stained linens. The staff on hand were way behind cleaning up from a prior event, so nothing was ready for us! There were hardly any chairs for people to sit on, and there was nothing for them to eat or drink but a few water glasses one staff member was lazily dropping ice cubes into, one by one, with a tongs.

Someone had asked our entertainment for the night to start performing, so the side room was filled with Asian dancers moving melodically. But no one was watching them. Because there were no chairs to sit on, guests assumed they were not supposed to be in that room yet. Only a few people who stood in the doorway witnessed any of the dancers we invited.

I started looking for my family again and saw my father, who was carrying in the wedding cake. He was dressed in a Bill Cosby-esque sweater! For his daughter’s wedding?!

Apparently that was the last straw as I woke up right after that, but WOW! I mean, what a circus!

I sat up in bed, stupefied. I turned, looking at Joe, “I had a nightmare.”

Here’s hoping our wedding will include less crazy hair and more of this…

love and cherish wineWhat about you? Had any weird dreams lately?



Throwback Thursday: Here Comes the Bride

As little girls we daydream about what our wedding day will be like.

I was so obsessed with it I wore my grandmother’s old slips and paraded around our front porch, two steps at a time and always in a straight line. I went through boxes of kleenex by piecing together homemade gowns for my Barbie dolls.

Now that I’m actually wedding planning, I can’t wait for the day to be over and the stress of really planning a wedding to be gone.

Soooo THAT’S the reason all the Disney movies go from first kiss to wedding to credit roll. It wouldn’t be a fairytale anymore if you had to listen to Cinderella talk about table settings with her stepsisters. Or see Snow White hit her prince over the head with the registry scanner because she wants 500-thread count sheets and he wants low ball glasses on clearance.

But as of last week, I made the last payment on my wedding gown and got all my accessories.

Let’s hope it’s an improvement from my dress-up box days.

wedding dress

What things did you daydream about as a kid that were different once you experienced them?


Pinterest Destroys Families and Other Nonsense

Well, I finally did it. I joined Pinterest.

I have a profile and everything.

Are you happy now?

After months of my mother and sister insisting I get on Pinterest – purely to look at the wedding ideas they’d pinned – I finally relented and joined.

I spent the weekend surfing the internet and pinning half of it down. Pinterest is addicting.

Here’s a few samples of what you can find on my Pinterest page!

Writerly Wish List

Gifts for Writers | Tara Lazar

Are these not the coolest sheets ever?

Stop Making Me Laugh

What do you think they’re reading?

So Austentacious

Jane Austen: "there is no enjoyment like reading"

I must have this sweatshirt. MUST.

Places to Go

Greece Vacations

I cannot wait for our honeymoon in Greece!

Wedding Planning

#blue wedding table ... Wedding ideas for brides, grooms, parents & planners ... https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/the-gold-wedding-planner/id498112599?ls=1=8 ... plus how to organise your entire wedding ... The Gold Wedding Planner iPhone App ♥

Slowly, but surely, things are coming together.

So picture us – my mother, father, sister, fiance and I – sitting in the living room. I’m sitting between my parents on the couch, my sister is holding her 4 month old and her iphone across from us, and Joe is probably surfing Facebook on the loveseat.

It was like an airing of Who’s on First. Everyone was talking and sharing ideas but no one was on the same conversation path. My mom was talking about chair rentals, my dad is shouting at me not to use the color gold in the wedding scheme, and my sister is asking me questions I don’t understand?

“For your bouquet, do you want it loose or do you want it to look like a ball?”

What kind of a ball? Like a basketball or a golf ball?

Do you want it to have tendrils?”

How can a bouquet have tendrils? It’s not a Regency era maiden! No I don’t want it to have tendrils.

Planning a wedding is hard. And with 3 people scrolling through pinterest pages and 2 people covered in piles of rental brochures, it was an interesting night.

I promise however, that my pinterest board is not all wedding stuff. So please follow me. I’m lonely over there. Follow Jess on Pinterest.

But be careful, Pinterest destroys families.

How was your weekend?


Serial Wedding Zombies: When TV Takes Over Your Dreams

I’ve been a having a series of morbid dreams lately. I blame late night television. Marathons of Dexter, The Following, and The Walking Dead are starting to take their toll.

too much TV

Seriously! Dreams about tracking serial killers, zombie attacks, and injecting tranquilizers in my enemies are happening on a regular basis at bedtime. And what’s worse is that these crime thriller/apocalyptic shows are blending themselves with my everyday life. Including wedding planning.

Here’s one of my latest nightmares adventures:

My brother, Justin, and I are on a road trip to go kill a guy.

Cause that’s what older siblings are good for.

But the guy we’re coming after is a total scuzzball, so he deserves what’s coming to him. Problem is…we have to find him first. So we make a pit stop at this party to talk to another guy who can tell us where the first guy – the guy we want to kill (still with me?) – is.

Now, the party we go to ends up being someone’s wedding ceremony. So as we’re sneaking in, I stop us and pull up a chair to watch the wedding and start taking notes about what I like and don’t like about their ceremony.

I did not like the fact that they handed out skittles to everyone. Half of the guests dropped theirs on the ground, which is a safety hazard, and the other half had sticky palms. Ew.

We end up finding the guy we needed to talk to, and we bully him a little to get information. Then we head back to the car to take off again.


Are you ready for this?

My brother has dropped skittles all over the inside of the car and I’m furious at him for making a sticky mess on the car seats.

That’s when I woke up.


Here’s how the conversation with my fiance, Joe, went that morning:

Me: “Strange dream.”

Joe: “What’d you dream about?”

Me: “I planned to kill a guy. But I got distracted by candy.”

Joe: “Sounds about right.”

Had any weird dreams lately?

Top 5 Reasons It’s Fun To Plan Your Best Friend’s Wedding

Today I officiate my best friend’s wedding.  A few months ago, yours truly, got ordained through the Universal Life Church in order to perform the ceremony for my best friend’s wedding.

The process of planning the ceremonyhas been lovely.  This week for ROW80, my goals involved final wedding plans like arranging the ceremony, leading the “rehearsal dessert”, and today is the big day!  Wish my bestie, Cat, and her fiance’, Aaron, a very happy life together!

The Happy Couple!

Top 5 Reasons It’s Fun to Plan Your Best Friend’s Wedding

#5.  Becoming a Member of the Clergy

It’s cool you guys, I have a certificate and everything.  I’m totally legit.  Catherine wouldn’t let me wear a Pope Hat at the wedding, but I will make her call me Vicar Witkins before the day is through!

#4.  Shocking Your Fundamentalist Father With A Message Like “Guess What I Did Today?  . . . xo, Pastor Jess”

Every time I told someone I got ordained they laughed at me.  Can’t really argue with them, I laughed at Cat when she asked me.  Little did I know…

But once I got my certificate, I couldn’t wait to tell my Dad!  He was more enthused over the fact I can also perform funerals; thinks he’s gonna save a bundle by me speaking at his death.  Just cause he’s family doesn’t mean he gets a discount! 

#3.  Learning About Various Religions

In my extensive wedding planning research, I came across numerous wedding customs and traditions.  It was fascinating to know what different cultures deem meaningful in the union of two people.  Cat’s ceremony includes elements of christianity and pagan customs.  Handfasting is one element she liked, and you can read about it here, but this is only one version of its practice, it is found in many different cultures and varied in each from the color meanings to the strands of ribbon being tied or untied.

Cat’s ceremony also includes some sections from her grandmother’s ceremony, after whom Catherine’s middle name, Helen, is for.  What a privileged treasure for her to send the transcription of that ceremony to me so I could incorporate it into her own.

#2.  2 a.m. Wedding Playlist Text Sessions

Nothing like a 1-2 a.m. text session where the bride asks if you’re still up then sends you some lyrics from a mix cd you made her a year ago asking the song title and artist.  Bonus, I knew it!  Loved chatting with you, Cat!

Then of course there’s the dress fittings and emailed pictures of flower arrangements…

#1.  Telling the Bride and Groom How Much You Love Them in Front of Their Nearest and Dearest

The only portion I didn’t let Cat see of the ceremony is the “Sentiments of the Officiant”, which is me, by the way.  I’m pretty excited to get to share reasons why I love this woman in front of her closest friends and family.  It’s special, and I’m honored to do so.  Just hope I don’t cry!

That’s it folks!  Raise a toast to my best friend on her wedding day and wish me luck!  I know she’s going to love what I have planned:  “Mahwage!  Mahwage is what bwings us heah togetha today…”  You’re right, quoting Princess Bride is not an acceptable form of legal ceremony, but it would be really fun!

How are your ROW80 goals going?

A ROW Review

How can another week have possibly flown by again?!  I’m losing my summer days much too quickly!  This past week and the remainder of it has been CRAZY!

The Goals: 

  • Finish First Draft of Women’s Fiction Piece – Write at least 4x week and complete 4-10 pages at least each day.
  • Read On Writing by Stephen King– First book of my Catch up on Craft Initiative
  • Read 2 Fiction Books a Month
  • Prepare for Summer Vacation – Joe and I are planning a road trip out west in 5 days, so I will need to get blog posts prepped ahead, stock up on sunscreen, do the laundry that is mounding in my closet, and corral all the camping gear up in the next weeks.
  • Read Suze Orman’s Women and Money– I’s working on my savings!!!  *jingles piggy bank*
  • Be a Role Model and Cheerleader in my ROW80 Sponsor Role

The Progress (or Lack Thereof…)

  • No writing on the WIP.  I did however do SOME writing in my limited free hours to get blog posts prepped ahead AND exciting news:  prepare the ceremony for my best friend’s wedding!  Yep, you heard me right!  Yours truly, is an ordained minister!  I’ll be performing their wedding 5 days after I get back from vacation!

(Considering I made her cry when I read her what I’d written, I’d say I’m on the right track!  Let’s just hope I don’t cry, or I’ll be dubbed the Blubbering Vicar of Wisconsin!)

Me and my bestie, Cat, at our co-hosted Oscar Party last February! She’ll be the one in white at the wedding. 😉

  • I started On Writing by Stephen King, but then it was due back at the library and I couldn’t renew it.  So, I’ve decided to just go buy that one sometime this week!
  • I did finish reading These Things Hidden by Heather Gudenkauf and I loved it!  So I definitely finished 3 books this month.  I’m now starting American Rose and Girls in White Dresses, which you can see on Goodreads by clicking their images in the sidebar.
  • In regards to preparing for summer vacation, that’s what I’ve been doing in most of my free time this week.  I did laundry, am 85% packed, practiced setting up the tent with Joe, went grocery shopping, and made a trip to Madison, WI where I picked up a really nice camera from my brother so I can bring you all back some sweet photos from Yellowstone!  (And oh yah, for those of you who think I’m accident prone, I made my own First Aid Kit!)  
  • No progress on the Suze Orman book.  HOWEVER…This must go announced:  I am officially DONE paying my student loans!!!  I got my confirmation e-mail yesterday!  Thanks to all of you who sent me congratulatory tweets!!!
  •   I’m of the opinion that one can always do more, so I will keep trying to get to more than just my assigned ROW blogs.  I’m loving meeting all of you and am SO IMPRESSED with your tenacity and unyielding determination towards your goals.  Keep it up, peeps!


How is your ROW week going?

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