Quite Possibly the Worst Wedding Dream Ever
A few nights ago I had the craziest wedding dream yet!
You already know about my weird dream where I was on the road to interrogate a killer, but stopped to crash someone’s wedding reception just to take notes on what I liked and disliked about it. Note* I do NOT like Skittles as party favors.
But this last dream was far more outlandish!
First off, my dress started out as my real wedding gown, but somewhere in the dream it morphed into a gaudy black sequin and lace ensemble with layers of petticoats underneath and puff sleeves!
I came out to greet everyone and ran into my friend, Cat.
“How’s my hair look?” I asked.
She wouldn’t answer me. She just kept prattling on about other things! I begged her to go to the restroom with me so I could see my hair in the mirror. It had been styled by a team of professionals and I badly wanted to see how it turned out.
When we finally got to the bathroom, Cat tried to block me from the mirror. I managed to step around her and catch my reflection.
The top of my head was a beehive of curls, mounded in a great glump. The back of my hair was a mohawk, gelled straight out to a point!
That’s not even the worst part.
The bridal headpiece that was sewn into my hair can only be described as a large purple hula-hoop that was covered, and I mean COVERED, in women’s underpants!
I didn’t know what to do. Where does one even begin to fix a headdress that dangles lady knickers?
I went in search of my family.
When I got to the reception hall, guests were milling about restlessly. A few were seated at tables with odd chairs and stained linens. The staff on hand were way behind cleaning up from a prior event, so nothing was ready for us! There were hardly any chairs for people to sit on, and there was nothing for them to eat or drink but a few water glasses one staff member was lazily dropping ice cubes into, one by one, with a tongs.
Someone had asked our entertainment for the night to start performing, so the side room was filled with Asian dancers moving melodically. But no one was watching them. Because there were no chairs to sit on, guests assumed they were not supposed to be in that room yet. Only a few people who stood in the doorway witnessed any of the dancers we invited.
I started looking for my family again and saw my father, who was carrying in the wedding cake. He was dressed in a Bill Cosby-esque sweater! For his daughter’s wedding?!
Apparently that was the last straw as I woke up right after that, but WOW! I mean, what a circus!
I sat up in bed, stupefied. I turned, looking at Joe, “I had a nightmare.”
Here’s hoping our wedding will include less crazy hair and more of this…
What about you? Had any weird dreams lately?
Throwback Thursday: Here Comes the Bride
As little girls we daydream about what our wedding day will be like.
I was so obsessed with it I wore my grandmother’s old slips and paraded around our front porch, two steps at a time and always in a straight line. I went through boxes of kleenex by piecing together homemade gowns for my Barbie dolls.
Now that I’m actually wedding planning, I can’t wait for the day to be over and the stress of really planning a wedding to be gone.
Soooo THAT’S the reason all the Disney movies go from first kiss to wedding to credit roll. It wouldn’t be a fairytale anymore if you had to listen to Cinderella talk about table settings with her stepsisters. Or see Snow White hit her prince over the head with the registry scanner because she wants 500-thread count sheets and he wants low ball glasses on clearance.
But as of last week, I made the last payment on my wedding gown and got all my accessories.
Let’s hope it’s an improvement from my dress-up box days.
What things did you daydream about as a kid that were different once you experienced them?
A ROWdate: What Exactly Have I Accomplished?
Hello ROWers! Can it be another week has flown by already?!
Well, my ROW goals are as always, ongoing. But after returning from vacation, I had one busy week to dive back into. Sadly, no writing got done. That’s the big focus for this week and I have the next two days off to get crackin’!
Here’s what I have accomplished!
I’m on track with my reading, completing 2 books so far this month! Hope to get a third, maybe fourth as well.
I recently finished reading NYTBS author Karen Abbott’s newest book, American Rose: A Nation Laid Bare, The Life and Times of Gypsy Rose Lee. Some of you remember that Karen did an interview with me, and I must say, this book is just as great as the last one! WOW! I had no idea Gypsy’s story was so sordid and full of survival at the same time.
I also finished Girls in White Dresses by Jennifer Close, a debut novel for the author. This book was my “I’m in a lot of weddings this summer, someone please commiserate with me!” pick. Interestingly written. Not how I expected it to be, but still kept my attention. It’s as much dating sagas of the girls as it is the weddings they attend.
I did support my fellow ROWers and writers all around!
Tried to catch up on many of the blogs I missed while on vacation. Cheered some of you on! But also came across this post by Jenny Hansen of More Cowbell. Jenny admitted that she, and her writing, were suffering from grief. While she’s working on her memoir, many emotions surrounding her difficult pregnancy came flooding back. Her post was one of great vulnerability and honesty, and I truly appreciate her sharing with us so that so many other writers had a place to speak their feelings and know we’re not alone. She gave that gift to me in this post. Jenny, thank you.
There is lots of love to go around, check it out!
Drumroll Please: I successfully officiated the wedding of my best friend!
Photo courtesy Kelly Ottesen Photography
Well, she came out crying, so she totally set me off right at the beginning! Dang you, Catherine! But, I regained composure and it was a beautiful ceremony that demonstrated their love for one another the whole day through. Both Cat and Aaron’s family invited me in as one of them and it was a full day’s celebration with delectable food, games, and even horseback rides!
Congrats to my best friend and her new husband! So happy for you guys!
Other News and Announcements!
I’m so excited to share with you all now the two new adventures I’ll be taking on! Many of you know and read about the end of The Life List Club, co-founded by myself and the talented Marcia Richards. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to maintain enough contributing writers with everyone’s crazy schedules, so for now we put that blog to rest. But Marcia and I are busy bodies to the core and couldn’t dream of not hanging out together! Seriously, we’d be heartbroken.
Sooo, after some fun brainstorming sessions, I’m pleased to announce that Marcia and I will be starting up a monthly column, so to speak, called The Redhots! It’ll be news, reviews, and interviews coming at you live from two of your favorite redheads! 😉 You can see Marcia’s intro to it here, and I promise to get mine up and running tomorrow! We’ll be kicking off our column on August 31st with a review of Fifty Shades of Grey!
And that’s not all…
While on vacation, I was contacted by the lovely Jennifer Lyn King and Nina Badzin to be a contributing writer for a hot new blog called Great New Books. We’re actually starting up an online book club! We’re discussing one book – which you the readers vote for – for a whole month! We’ll have discussion questions, interviews, and giveaways and are always looking for your recommendations. All the books we read will be published within the last year, so we’re going to give you the scoop on what’s new that you just have to get!
Ok, that’s all folks! How is your week going? Hope you got more writing done than I! Have a fabulous weekend!
Jess Witkins' Happiness Project 