Do I Get Tension Headaches? Why Yes, Of Course

Source: Google Images

It’s the holiday season
And Santa Claus is coming back
The Christmas snow is white on the ground
When old Santa gets into town
He’ll be coming down the chimney, down
Coming down the chimney, down

Happy Holiday
Happy Holiday
While the merry bells keep bringing
Happy Holidays to you

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it, but I work at a mall.  I am a sales manager at a well known department store, and though I like the people I work with, things are a little stressful right now.  The Ho Ho Horrors of the Holidays are upon us and I seem to be spending my days answering phone calls and questions that sound like this:

“The coupon for this sweater isn’t scanning and I can’t find the brand on the back of it, but the coupon was printed online and I can’t type it in cause the ink like splotched over two of the numbers and I keep trying to type in like a ‘7’ or a ‘9’ but it isn’t working and this lady has been really patient, but what should I do?”

“Can she return the ring if she has it sized?”

“Was I suppose to take a break?  Well, can I just leave early then?”

“So and So keeps taking my sales, but I don’t want to talk to her.  Can you tell her to stop stepping in with my customers?”

“Can I get a hanger pick up in kids, juniors, mens, and Fine Jewelry?”

“A customer just called and said we better take a look in the bathroom.  It sounds bad, you should get gloves.”

*bangs head on cash register*

To push past the easily stressed out answers I could provide, such as “No Lisa, I’m not giving you the stink eye, I just have a tension headache and it’s making my eye twitch!”  I’ve been answering my team with statements like this:

“You’re phone extension keeps clicking, naaaah, that’s just the reindeer on the rooftop!” 😉

“You’ve emptied the fitting rooms 50 times and they’re still full?  That means you can skip weight training at the gym tomorrow!”

“It’s cold in the store?  Good thing sweaters are half off today!”

“A whole shelf of boots fell on the floor?!  Tell the Shelf Elf to knock off the shenanigans!  We’ve got a business to run!”

And when the coffee cheerfulness has worn off, I read for Excedrin.  NEW:  For Retail Tension Headaches!  Courtesy and Inspiration from Queen Latifah.

How’s the month going for you?

20 responses

  1. Sounds like working at the mall puts a whole new spin on holiday cheer! Next time I head to the mall, I may bring treats for the employees… Your post, although highly entertaining :), is a great reminder that not everyone is gliding through holiday gifting with ease…

    1. I bet they’d love treats! You know the easiest way to make our teams happy is to provide snacks/lunch for them. LOL. I certainly get pumped when there’s a free meal.

  2. StoriesAndSweetPotatoes | Reply

    That’s a hilarious video. Retail tension headaches might require something even stronger. Do you have to see Santa all day? He scares the hell out of me. I’ve always hated people in costumes even at Disneyland…show me your face! What are you hiding?! I saw Santa at Wal-Mart the other day and he was way in the back of the store….he should at least be up front so someone can keep an eye on him…

    1. Hahaha that’s funny. No Santa is in the mall outside our main entrance. I think the one they got this year looks pretty good. And honestly, the music has been good so far too. But when the Jackson Five start singing “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” THAT’S what makes me want to secretly drink in the stockroom!

      “I did! I really DID see Mommy kissing Santa Claus!”

  3. I don’t work at the mall, but I do work in the deli of a little country store that caters to the exclusive elite. It’s amazing the things people can’t seem to figure out for themselves! Worries me lol!
    Good post, and try feverfew for that headache!!!!!

    1. Thanks for the tip Selena! Wishing you a healthy and happy holiday season too!

  4. That is one of the funniest videos I’ve seen in a long time. Thank you for bringing a smile to my face, Jess. And good luck with the holidays as a manager of a department store. I do NOT envy you that.

    1. Are you sure you don’t want to job shadow or something? I’ve got some papers you can read for me cause I haven’t had time to sit since September. 😉

  5. “Please hold while I redirect your call to Santa. Feel free to skip in a circle like a jolly elf while you’re waiting.” or “The misfit toy department is extension eight” or “Yes, you can’t, but only on Saturdays.” (which will confuse them long enough for you to take a break and do some actual work).

    I used to be the assitant manager and shipping guy for a major hobby store. Holidays are the best, aren’t they? (Don’t answer this until the Excedrin sets in). All my sympathies to you. Be strong brave warrior 🙂

    1. LOVE those lines! Using them today for sure. Thanks for the laugh, Gene!

  6. I hated working in the mall over the holidays.
    Scratch that…I hated working in the mall period. Hang in there and keep up with the witty comebacks…they’ll preserve your sanity!

    1. Thanks Mark! I’ll try. The whole leadership team is getting a little slap happy with each other. LOL

  7. Never worked in retail, but I can imagine. Maybe you should try selling insurance. After you spend half a tank of gasoline and stopping three times for directions to get to someone’s house, no one’s home at the time of the appointment. Or they swear they didn’t ask you to come and threaten to sic the dog on you. Or they treat you like an enemy instead of someone trying to help. But, hey – that’s all behind me now. I sit at home and write. Oooh, look at the squirrel out the window. . . .

    1. LOL! Wow, sounds like a dream job! Thanks for the recommendation.

  8. My sympathies go out to anyone working in a mall, electronic store, etc right now. I can’t imagine the zaniness you must go through during the holiday season.

    1. Ok, when I first read that, I thought it said “the zombies you’re going through” and I laughed, but then I thought…yah, that pretty much fits too. hahaha

  9. I care for kids removed from their homes- so I have five emotionally damaged children who are excited about the holiday, worried they won;t be home, having fun baking cookies, crying because they’re not the kind their mom makes, excited about presents, feeling guilty because mom has no money, grateful to be warm and fed and safe, yet heart broken because they love their parents and want to be with them.
    So if you could pass the Excedrin and maybe a margarita that would be great 🙂

    1. Wow Alica, I think your job is much more difficult. At least I’m privileged to be from a loving family and even at work, we give back in so many ways, sponsor families, charity funds, and provide community outreach. You’re job is a lot tougher, and yet, probably much much more rewarding. Hope the kids get to enjoy the holiday season as best they can. Peace and love to you and yours!

  10. Don’t you wish you have a time turner so that you can freeze time and just rest? December is the busiest month of the year.

    1. Oh, that would be lovely, Marilag! I always said my Christmas wish was to hibernate!

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