Quite Possibly the Worst Wedding Dream Ever

A few nights ago I had the craziest wedding dream yet!

You already know about my weird dream where I was on the road to interrogate a killer, but stopped to crash someone’s wedding reception just to take notes on what I liked and disliked about it. Note* I do NOT like Skittles as party favors.

But this last dream was far more outlandish!

First off, my dress started out as my real wedding gown, but somewhere in the dream it morphed into a gaudy black sequin and lace ensemble with layers of petticoats underneath and puff sleeves!

more rufflesI came out to greet everyone and ran into my friend, Cat.

“How’s my hair look?” I asked.

She wouldn’t answer me. She just kept prattling on about other things! I begged her to go to the restroom with me so I could see my hair in the mirror. It had been styled by a team of professionals and I badly wanted to see how it turned out.

When we finally got to the bathroom, Cat tried to block me from the mirror. I managed to step around her and catch my reflection.

The top of my head was a beehive of curls, mounded in a great glump. The back of my hair was a mohawk, gelled straight out to a point!

That’s not even the worst part.

matrimonial mulletThe bridal headpiece that was sewn into my hair can only be described as a large purple hula-hoop that was covered, and I mean COVERED, in women’s underpants!

I didn’t know what to do. Where does one even begin to fix a headdress that dangles lady knickers?

I went in search of my family.

When I got to the reception hall, guests were milling about restlessly. A few were seated at tables with odd chairs and stained linens. The staff on hand were way behind cleaning up from a prior event, so nothing was ready for us! There were hardly any chairs for people to sit on, and there was nothing for them to eat or drink but a few water glasses one staff member was lazily dropping ice cubes into, one by one, with a tongs.

Someone had asked our entertainment for the night to start performing, so the side room was filled with Asian dancers moving melodically. But no one was watching them. Because there were no chairs to sit on, guests assumed they were not supposed to be in that room yet. Only a few people who stood in the doorway witnessed any of the dancers we invited.

I started looking for my family again and saw my father, who was carrying in the wedding cake. He was dressed in a Bill Cosby-esque sweater! For his daughter’s wedding?!

Apparently that was the last straw as I woke up right after that, but WOW! I mean, what a circus!

I sat up in bed, stupefied. I turned, looking at Joe, “I had a nightmare.”

Here’s hoping our wedding will include less crazy hair and more of this…

love and cherish wineWhat about you? Had any weird dreams lately?



24 responses

  1. I’m sure Jenny Hansen could help you find that headpiece. You might initiate a new trend in weddings. I can see Randy on “Say Yes to the Dress” saying “This trend came out of the blogging traditions of Jenny Hansen and Jess Witkins.”

    1. Yikes! The Undie Chronicles: Wedding Season! LOL

      Seriously though, that headdress was ugly.

      1. Jess, if you can find me anything that looks remotely like it, you and I will have a wedding interview (undie style) on More Cowbell. *pinkie swears in Handerpants*

        1. Bahahahahaha! LMAO. I couldn’t keep a straight face.

          Um, let me sleep on it. Hahahaha!

  2. Well, obviously that dream means that you need to go buy more underwear and you are really thirsty. Nailed it!

    I have bizarro dreams when I am pregnant as well. It’s the stress of a big event coming up and your brain doing all kinds of crazy subconscious gymnastics while your body is at rest. I know that feeling when you wake up and it all feels so real for a few minutes before your logical mind realizes that it was just a crazy dream. Don’t let it get to you girl. So soon you will be a married woman and won’t have to worry about any more craziness!! Hang in there. πŸ™‚

    1. Can’t reply right now, Misty. I have to drink this glass of water and go shopping at Victoria’s Secret. πŸ˜‰

  3. The Pointed Mohawk Bride – there’s a visual for you! πŸ˜‰

    1. Oh god, it was awful!

  4. Oh, that is such a weird dream. I love weird dreams, though. I often have strange ones, some I wouldn’t even want to tell anyone about. LOL

    1. Um, now you HAVE to! *stares expectantly*

      1. I’m sure you don’t want to hear stories of using the bathroom in public, in front of everyone. And that’s a mild one….

  5. I heard if you wear that headpiece to a Lady Gaga concert, you get in free!

    1. Hmmmmm… *ponders cost of making it…*

  6. Writers have the best dreams, don’t they?

    1. I thought this was a nightmare!

  7. If you keep telling wedding stories like this you’ll probably have international news coverage by the time the big day rolls around. Undies in your hair? Oh yeah, CNN for sure!

    1. That’s really not necessary. LOL

  8. Oh my goodness, Jess. That is some crazy dream!! It just kept getting more and more bizarre. You poor thing! πŸ™‚

    I always remember my dreams and my husband runs away from me as I try to recount every single detail. LOL. They are always very bizarre and often sexual. Hmmmm……

    When is the BIG DAY by the way?

    1. Hahaha! He should want details!

  9. Maybe it’s a sign that you need to serve Jello Pudding Pops instead of a wedding cake!

    1. I’ll consider that, Mark. Thank you.

  10. Laughed out load picturing the underwear veil!!! Ha!!! πŸ™‚

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